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Sample Business School Essays

Studying business is a great way to gain valuable working experience across many industries. As such, many students decide to further their education with a degree in business. To help set your business school application apart from the others, having a stellar application essay can help tremendously. Before writing your own essay make sure you explore our sample essays to gather a few ideas and thoughts on how you can make your essay unique and engaging.

This section contains five business essay samples:

Business School Essay Sample One

Business school essay sample two, business school essay sample three, business school essay sample four.

  • Business School Essay Sample Five

Watching my brother transform from a man who had lost his ability to walk to a man who can play basketball with my father kindled my fascination of the physical therapy world. The Bureau of Labor Statistics anticipates the field of physical therapy to grow faster than average in the upcoming years. I hope to join this field during an exciting time of growth, furthering the rehabilitation of those who have been injured.

Following graduation from ABC Business School, I intend to serve a marketing team in a local physical therapy company, such as Ridgeview Physical Therapy. My short-term goal is to lead a team, furthering success in the Ridgeview area. Due to the popular physical therapy company thirty miles from Ridgeview, much of the local population is unaware of the quality services Ridgeview Physical Therapy has to offer. I hope to increase visits by 40 percent in the first 5 years of my employment. My long-term goal includes extending the company’s reach into surrounding cities, and eventually beyond national barriers, becoming a global marketing manager.

I expect to gain skills and experiences from ABC Business School that will propel my short and long-term goals. I hope to develop an experiential and diverse learning experience and have the opportunity to interact with different groups of people to learn from their business insights and endeavours. From ABC Business School, I seek the tools and resources needed to further engage in my marketing knowledge, perform professional strategic analyses, and re-evaluate my past work experiences. I look forward to taking courses from Professor Jim. W. Reid, who has published the research of the success of Matthews and Marketing in his book, “Matthews Commerce,” which has helped me continue my career this far. I also look forward to taking the unique classes taught by Professor Rachel E. Davis, introducing me to the physical therapy world and enriching my business skills in that area.

When my brother’s car accident in 2011 caused immobility in his left leg, he never thought he would be able to play his favorite sport again. David Andrews, a 1994 graduate from ABC Business School, ensured that that would not come to pass. I spoke with Andrews about his journey, and he told me that it was through the opportunities and education he received from the professors and students at ABC Business School that helped him open his own practice. I hope to follow in Andrews’s footsteps. With the passion I have for the success of Ridgeview Physical Therapy, and the determination I learned from watching my brother, all I need to complete my goals is the knowledge available to me through an MBA at ABC Business School. I look forward to completing my career aspirations using the tools received from ABC Business School to contribute to my professional career.

The world of physical therapy is growing, and with my skills in marketing, I hope to grow the local Ridgeview services across the globe.

In this essay, the applicant is assigned to answer the prompt in approximately 500 words. The admissions officer expects a clear and concise essay that does not veer off the question and exemplifies quality writing, grammar, and punctuation. In questions similar to these, the admissions officers are looking for: Student’s understanding and knowledge in answering questions: The writer explains his short and long-term career goals, referencing the future of the career (Bureau of Labor Statistics) and quantifying his goals (Increase by 40 percent within the first 5 years). A deeper look into who the applicant is: Writer shares personal information that also relates to answering the question (brother in physical therapy). Make sure that any personal information you share does not veer off of the question that needs to be answered. Proper research on the school to adequately answer the second question: Student mentions names of professors who have demonstrated help in the past (professor’s business research book) giving credibility to the student that he believes they will be able to help him in the future. Avoid flattery and only speak of the school in a way that shows proper research and answers the question presented.

Nancy, the CEO of Jasmine Publishing House, bought me a coffee and told me I should invest in warm gloves as we sat down at a corner diner for what would be a game-changing business meeting. As the leading publishing house in Europe, Nancy informed me that JPH was interested in closing a multi-million dollar deal with our fashion magazine, Zoelle, provided we changed the magazine's appearance to attract a broader European audience.

As production manager, my job was to lead and supervise a staff of 30 to match Nancy's vision, working closely with the design team, photographers, production staff and marketing team. After three weeks of heavy brainstorming, we developed a fresh appearance for the magazine.

I invited Nancy to a meeting with me and three of our executive producers. I shared with her the strategy we had created in order to solve our appearance problem, as well as estimated costs and complications. Nancy agreed that the direction our magazine was going fit well with her vision and audience, and that JPH would be happy to work with us within the next week.

Although the team was excited to accept the offer, I was concerned that we were not prepared to complete the project so quickly. Though the executive producers did not understand, as our production team was to begin work on the next issue the following day, I explained that there may include deep financial consequences if we rush into the process. I wanted to ensure that JPH received a consistent layout from Zoelle magazine. Nancy agreed to wait until the upcoming issue was complete before beginning work on the new look.

We began work the following Tuesday, after the latest issue was produced. I collaborated with an eight member marketing team to develop new branding for our magazine and mediated this branding with the design team, ensuring that it was able to blend well with their ideas and insights based on the first meeting with Nancy. I led the operation of the first issue to be published via JPH, supervising 30 employees.

After the issue was published, our sales increased by 42 percent in the first week. After leading the Zoelle team to a business deal close and a fresh start, I learned that with the proper leadership, a staff of varied talents, insights and opinions can work closely together to produce a magazine that continues to increase its sells each issue. My initiative helped provide Zoelle with its largest new contract that year, a $2 million deal. Customers from Europe and the United States commented with positive remarks on the new look, showing interest in the replacement of the former look, which had been being published for seven years.

After this leadership experience, I was able to see my potential as a leader. I can communicate effectively with all members of a group and help connect them with one another to make a larger picture. I protect my business discernment even against an upset crowd, and am able to properly persuade others to understand other perspectives. Through learning more about leadership every day with my work in Zoelle, I hope to continue to strengthen these abilities and witness the success they can bring to media production.

In this essay, the applicant was asked to detail her leadership abilities through the application of a relevant example. She was asked to do this in approximately 550 words, using concise language and proper grammar and punctuation. In questions similar to these, the admissions officers are looking for: Applicant's ability to share leadership qualities with a relevant example: This writer shared leadership qualities of communication (brainstorming with different staffs and helping them connect their ideas together), listening (brainstorming and understanding staff concerns), delegating (ensuring each team did what was supposed to be done), and managing (managed and supervised a staff of 30) through the use of an example from her work with Zoelle Magazine. Proof of a potential growth in these leadership skills: The writer hopes to “continue to strengthen” her leadership skills. She provides examples of how she learned from previous leadership roles. How these skills will help further your career: The writer used an example from her current career and concluded her essay with a look into the potential of leadership in her field.

I looked across my celebratory cheesecake and beamed up at my new coworkers. I couldn't believe I had finally landed my dream job. All of the senior editors were having lunch in the cafe across the street from the bakery where the finance team and marketing team shared dessert. I had been hired as a budget analyst at my favorite magazine. My job was to work alongside the business manager to help create a more healthy marriage between the finance and marketing departments, thus improving our sales and workplace environment. On my way home, I reflected on my relief in finally having an exciting and secure career.

Just three months later, we met at the same bakery where I had celebrated my new job. Every department from our small, close-knit staff was present. As the publication manager began to tell us the news, I remember how our faces fell. Our publication company was going out of business, and every publication was to be shut down. She explained that they had tried to find another publishing company without success.

Not only did I feel as though I failed the company, I also knew that I, as well as the other 17 employees, was out of a job. We went back to our offices and packed up our things. Writers and designers were frantically calling around, asking for open positions. An employee from the finance department began tweaking his resume, and the marketing department apologized to the publication manager and editor-in-chief, who responded graciously.

I had to leave my apartment not long after losing my job. I stayed with a friend on the north side of town as I tried to find a job in a shrinking economic suburb. It took six months to find a position, and though I had to move and leave behind my dream, I found a new way to work toward my new dream.

From this experience, I learned the importance of adaptability. Only through my ability to embrace the change happening around me was I able to find a new job and start a new life with new visions and goals. Applying for my MBA would have sounded bizarre to the disheartened, homeless idealist who lost her dream. But now, after finding in me the strength to persevere, I am able to take what I learned from my previous job and pair it with what I learn from the university. This knowledge will help me ensure that the future companies I work with will not have to endure a similar fallout.

However, if there comes a time when I am again involved in a lost company, I know how to repair. I know how to restore.

In this essay, the applicant was asked to recall a challenging situation to which the writer overcame the boundaries. The writer was asked to do this in approximately 450 words, using concise language and proper grammar and punctuation. In questions similar to these, the admissions officers are looking for: Applicant's ability to identify a challenging moment in her life: This writer uses a relevant example of a challenging situation, describing the challenge of losing a job, losing housing, and having to move to a different city. Examples of how the applicant overcame these challenges: The writer cites her “adaptability” as the reason why she was able to overcome this challenge. Instead of giving up, the applicant tells of applying for other jobs, even ones that were out of her comfort zone and in another city. Brief insights to what the applicant learned from the challenge: This writer learned how to maintain strength, perseverance and adaptability in challenging situations. The applicant tells of continuing the learning process in her MBA program and allowing it to help future companies.

“Gallery Furniture saves you money today!” As a child, these words rang out to me, sandwiched in between the episodes of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh that I gleefully watched every Saturday morning. During commercial breaks, an older gentleman known as Mattress Mack would dominate all 24 inches of my cartoon box with his signature hundred-mile-per-hour pitch, reserved for sputtering off the praises of American-made furniture sold at affordable prices. Mattress Mack reigned as a household favorite in the Greater Houston area; in fact, my cousin and I made games out of memorizing his lines and spitting them out as fast as we could whenever his ads came on TV.

Mack’s distinctive elevator-pitch talking style stemmed from the financial difficulties he faced at the start of his career. At that time, Mack invested his entire life savings in a single ad that aired on two stations. While watching the ad himself, he grew unhappy with the producers’ work and ad-libbed a rapid pitch which would be later recognized as one of his greatest sparks of unconventional genius. Mack's unique re-branding has taught me to recognize the value of bootstrapping and developing creative solutions to solve problems.

Beyond his unorthodox sales strategies, Mack also had a heart that was truly the size of Texas. In August of 2017, Hurricane Harvey made landfall and caused $125 billion in damages, and several people that I personally know lost everything. While most of us worried solely about our own survival, Mack opened his two biggest showrooms and provided food to those who needed it most. His heroic actions eventually earned him his own day, August 26th, appropriately named Mattress Mack Day. He has inspired Houstonians just like me to pursue entrepreneurship opportunities that put social focus on the forefront.

As Harvey pummelled through the Gulf Coast, I noted the amount of devastation the hurricane has caused for our local automotive industry. This sparked an idea. As a passionate watchmaker and a car enthusiast, I partnered with my co-founder to create one-of-a-kind wristwatches from wrecked supercars with stories to match. A portion of each sale would then be donated to Habitat for Humanity to rebuild communities affected by natural disasters. My dream came to fruition, and over the last two years, the work I did has gained the attention of Mayor Turner, Capital One Bank, and various other notable individuals and organizations across Texas, Florida, Switzerland, and the UK. Born from a company bootstrapped with a $10,000 award from Capital One Bank, we are now projected to take in a revenue of $500k in the coming year.

Mattress Mack’s unconventional business approaches have taught me that tackling problems with limited capital yields the most innovative solutions and that the numbers, albeit essential, are not the end-all-be-all of a company. His ability to see equal importance in their lesser-noticed counterparts -the people his business serves and the community he resides in- are what sets him apart from traditional bosses as a truly effective leader. His actions have taught me that marrying unconventional problem-solving skills to a strong moral code is the key to greater personal success.

Business Sample Essay Five

Fuqua was the first business school I visited at the beginning of my application journey. No one in my family has ever attended college, let alone business school, so my visit opened a new world of opportunity for me. I sat in the auditorium with 300 other Management Leadership for Tomorrow (MLT) fellows soaking up facts about Fuqua’s collaborative culture, global perspective, and distinguished faculty. My most vivid memory of the experience was at the end of the first day when the Black and Latino MBA Organization (BLMBAO) came on stage and helped me understand what it truly means to be on “Team Fuqua.” Dancing, cheering, and wearing their Blue Devil gear, the students made it easy to see a cohesive community for students of color – one that I have not felt so palpably at any other business school since. As I sat in that auditorium, I began to imagine myself as a part of “Team Fuqua,” and after the visit I became more confident that there was a place for me at Duke. For these reasons, I am seeking a spot in the entering class of 2022.

Post MBA, I plan to work as a Product Manager in an innovative digital healthcare company focused on using technology to transform patient care. Specifically, I would like to work in wireless tech and data analytics focused on chronic disease management similar to Twine Health, a platform integrated into patients' Fitbits to monitor diabetes-related vitals. In preparation for a career in healthcare, I plan on being a part of Fuqua’s Health Care Club (HCC). I look forward to contributing to this community through my perspective in healthcare consulting as well as my experience in the health insurance marketplace. By participating in the HCC, I will leverage the insight from 2nd year students as I navigate the healthcare recruiting process during HCC life line sessions. In time, I hope to return the favor by helping new students navigate recruitment, coursework, and life in Durham. Particularly, I am excited to gain valuable insight into the healthcare industry through programming coordinated by HCC such as the Duke MBA Health Care Conference and panel discussions throughout the year. HCC will not only provide me the knowledge and professional aptitude for a meaningful career in the healthcare sector, but will also grant me a life-long network of Fuqua healthcare leaders. To further promote health, I want to take part in the Fuqua Running & Triathlon Club. As a cross country athlete in high school and college, I look forward to exploring the Raleigh-Durham area and sharing my love of running.

Beyond my involvement in the Fuqua healthcare community, I also plan to join BLMBAO. It is very important for me to be part of a collective of leaders of color that empower each other to reach their full potential in business. For this reason, I am interested in joining the leadership cabinet of BLMBAO and shaping events such as the MBA Minority Business Conference. I want to continue BLMBAO’s work of increasing the visibility of underrepresented minorities, engaging Fuqua on issues of race and inequality, and being an advocate for women of color in business. For example, as a Fellow and alumna of MLT, I will commit myself to building a pipeline for Latina prospective Fuqua MBA students. This will include holding workshops that focus on the application process and challenges specific to Latinas in management.

In the end, Duke is the ideal place for me to become the business leader I know I can be. The opportunities in healthcare at Fuqua with HCC in conjunction with the school’s close proximity to the research triangle are second to none. A Fuqua MBA will give me the opportunity to learn, grow, and lead among lifelong friends. As a part of the incoming class, I will continue to learn more about Fuqua and expect that the “Team Fuqua” spirit will stand out in all of my interactions within the larger community. Just as BLMBAO students inspired me on my first day at Fuqua, I hope to one day inspire a young Latina professional setting her sights on business school.

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50 MBA Essays That Got Applicants Admitted To Harvard & Stanford

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What Matters? and What More? is a collection of 50 application essays written by successful MBA candidates to Harvard Business School and Stanford Graduate School of Business

What Matters? and What More? is a collection of 50 application essays written by successful MBA candidates to Harvard Business School and Stanford Graduate School of Business

I sat alone one Saturday night in a boardroom in Eastern Oregon, miles from home, my laptop lighting the room. I was painstakingly reviewing a complex spreadsheet of household energy consumption data, cell by cell. ‘Why am I doing this to myself? For remote transmission lines?’…I felt dejected. I’d felt that way before, during my summer at JP Morgan, standing alone in the printing room at 3 a.m., binding decks for a paper mill merger that wouldn’t affect my life in the least.

That’s how an analyst at an MBB firm started his MBA application essay to Stanford Graduate School of Business. His point: In a well-crafted essay, he confronts the challenge of finding meaning in his work and a place where he can make a meaningful difference. That is what really matters most to him, and his answer to Stanford’s iconic MBA application essay helped get him defy the formidable odds of acceptance and gain an admit to the school.

Getting into the prestigious MBA programs at either Stanford Graduate School of Business or Harvard Business School are among the most difficult journeys any young professional can make.

NEARLY 17,000 CANDIDATES APPLIED TO HARVARD & STANFORD LAST YEAR. 1,500 GOT IN

college essay about business

This collection of 50 successful HBS and GSB essays, with smart commentary, can be downloaded for $60

They are two of the most selective schools, routinely rejecting nine or more out of every ten applicants. Last year alone, 16,628 candidates applied to both schools; just 1,520 gained an acceptance, a mere 9.1% admit rate.

Business school admissions are holistic, meaning that while standardized test scores and undergraduate transcripts are a critical part of the admissions process, they aren’t the whole story. In fact, the stories that applicants tell the schools in the form of essays can be a critical component of a successful application.

So what kinds of stories are successful applicants to Harvard and Stanford telling their admission officers? For the first time ever, a newly published collection of 50 of these essays from current MBA students at these two schools has been published. In ten cases, applicants share the essays they wrote in applying to both schools so you can see whether they merely did a cut-and-paste job or approached the task anew. The 188-page book, What Matters? and What More?, gains its title from the two iconic essay prompts at Harvard and Stanford.

THOUGHTFUL CRITIQUES OF THE ESSAYS

Stanford can easily boast having the most difficult question posed to MBA applicants in any given year: In 650 words or less, candidates must tell the school what matters most to them and why. Harvard gives applicants ample room to hang themselves, providing no word limit at all, “What more would you like us to know as we consider your candidacy?”

One makes this unusual collection of essays powerful are the thoughtful critiques by the founders of two MBA admissions consulting firms, Jeremy Shinewald of mbaMission and Liza Weale of Gatehouse Admissions. They write overviews of each essay in the book and then tear apart portions by paragraphs to either underline a point or address a weakness. The book became available to download for $60 a pop.

As I note in a foreword to the collection, published in partnership with Poets&Quants, the essay portion of an application is where a person can give voice to who they are, what they have achieved so far, and what they imagine their future to be. Yet crafting a powerful and introspective essay can be incredibly daunting as you stare at a blank computer screen.

APPLICANTS OPEN UP WITH INTIMATE STORIES THAT SHOW VULNERABILITY

One successful applicant to Harvard Business School begins his essay by conveying a deeply personal story: The time his father was told that he had three months to live, with his only hope being a double lung transplant. had to undergo a lung transplant. His opening line: “Despite all we had been through in recent years, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect when I asked my mother one summer evening in Singapore, ‘What role did I play during those tough times?’”

For this candidate to Stanford Graduate School of Business, the essay provided a chance to creatively engage admission readers about what matters most to him–equality-by cleverly using zip codes as a hook.

60605, 60606, 60607.

These zip codes are just one digit apart, but the difference that digit makes in someone’s life is unfathomable. I realized this on my first day as a high school senior. Leafing through my out-of- date, stained, calculus textbook, I kept picturing the new books that my friend from a neighboring (more affluent) district had. As college acceptances came in, I saw educational inequality’s more lasting effects—my friends from affluent districts that better funded education were headed to prestigious universities, while most of my classmates were only accepted by the local junior college. I was unsettled that this divergence wasn’t the students’ doing, but rather institutionalized by the state’s education system. Since this experience, I realized that the fight for education equality will be won through equal opportunity. Overcoming inequality, to ensure that everyone has a fair shake at success, is what matters most to me.

HOW AN APPLICANT TO BOTH SCHOOLS ALTERED HIS ESSAYS

Yet another candidate, who applied to both Harvard and Stanford, writes about being at but not fully present at his friend’s wedding.

The morning after serving as my friend’s best man, I was waiting for my Uber to the airport and—as usual—scrolling through my phone,” he wrote. “I had taken seemingly hundreds of photos of the event, posting in real time to social media, but had not really looked through them. With growing unease, I noticed people and things that had not registered with me the night before and realized I had been so preoccupied with capturing the occasion on my phone that I had essentially missed the whole thing. I never learned the name of the woman beside me at the reception. I could not recall the wedding cake flavor. I never introduced myself to my friend’s grandfather from Edmonton. I was so mortified that before checking into my flight, I turned my phone off and stuffed it into my carry-on.

The Stanford version of his essay is more compact. In truth, it’s more succinctly written and more satisfying because it is to the point. By stripping away all but the most critical pieces of his narrative, the candidate focuses his essay entirely on his central point: the battle of man versus technology.

Even if you’re not applying to business school, the essays are entertaining and fun to read. Sure, precious few are New Yorker worthy. In fact, many are fairly straightforward tales, simply told. What the successful essays clearly show is that there is no cookie-cutter formula or paint-by-the-numbers approach. Some start bluntly and straightforwardly, without a compelling or even interesting opening. Some meander through different themes. Some betray real personality and passion. Others are frankly boring. If a pattern of any kind could be discerned, it is how genuine the essays read.

The greatest benefit of reading them? For obsessive applicants to two of the very best business schools, they’ll take a lot of pressure off of you because they are quite imperfect.

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Why I Want to Study Business: Essays

Studying business has advantages. here are 14 essays on the theme of why i want to study business ..

Business studies student

Andrew Lancaster

CONTRIBUTOR

Founder and Director of Unicurve.com

We'll let fourteen university students explain for themselves why they chose to study business. Here are some of the best essays into an essay competition on study motivation. Each business essay is from an American student who wants to complete a degree in business, business management, business administration or similar.

But first let me outline why I think business is an excellent choice for university study. These observations are based on my own Australian experiences in studying business and economics, from having recruited many business graduates into the public service, and with the knowledge gained from running a company.

Why Studying Business is a Good Idea

Business is a really solid study area. By doing choosing a business major, you'll develop skills that are relevant for almost any kind of work. And you gain a qualification that has value in the job market.

Do something useful while you figure out your career

Many business students begin their studies without really knowing where it will lead. The advantage of a business degree is that you build skills that are useful in any professional field, such as competencies in analysis, finance, planning and strategy. You also develop the ability to present different kinds of information clearly and logically.

The stats on business graduates are encouraging. Employment and early-career salaries for business graduates are competitive with vocational fields such as engineering, teaching and nursing. And business studies is a much surer bet than an arts degree for those who start university not knowing what they eventually want to do.

Be a professional or do your own thing

You can see from the Why I Want to Study Business essays that, for many, the motivation to study business is a dream to be self-employed at some stage in the future. Business students often have the ambition to be an entrepreneur or at least run their own small business.

Business can be the logical path to a range of other careers as well. You can major in a certain area within business if you want to be, for example, an accountant, banker, business manager, economist, marketing executive or stock market trader.

Become a leader eventually

At a postgraduate level, business management is the most popular area of study. In many different career streams, you eventually reach a point where further progress requires you to learn how to manage people and resources.

Dreaming of a Better Sleep

I wake up groggily and glance at the clock. I'm taken aback upon noticing the time is 8:38 PM. I'd gotten home from school and hadn't done anything other than sleep! Sat in bed, I contemplated what to do. I could do homework or go back to sleep. (Which sounds better?!). Alas, my to-do list had just one thing: "work on my startup."

I'm 17 and trying to start my own business. The enterprise will create motorized mattress overlays to help patients in hospitals avoid health issues. I got started on it through one of my school classes and am graded on what I do, so I already had a small drive to do well.

However, my purpose behind this business is to help people. My dream to help millions of people around the world is what pushes me to work hard in every aspect of my life.

It motivates me to study, even when I can barely pull myself out of bed. My ultimate goal of helping people feel better is what drives me to sit down and get to work. I know that every class taken and every skill learned will better enable me to achieve my dream.

So, I study, even when I would rather sleep. I just think back to my purpose and realize that this dream that I have to change the world is the motivation behind every minute of studying that I do.

Liza Tarakanova Business, Mercy College

Math and Accounting

When I first started college, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I didn't have a clear plan and thought I wanted to pursue nursing. But when I took the basics, I realized it wasn't for me.

I felt lost and didn't have any hope for the future. I even considered dropping out of college and getting a job instead.

A lack of focus in school reflected in my grades. Despite my doubts, my family encouraged me to continue with my education.

Taking a semester off due to financial constraints gave me time to reflect on my goals and aspirations. I got a job and worked hard, but found myself missing the academic environment.

I realized that I enjoyed learning and had a passion for math. This made me realize that I needed to go back to school and complete my education.

It took me some time, but I finally found the motivation, drive, and determination to pursue what I truly wanted. I am now excited to pursue a career in accounting. However, I also want to remember that one's job does not define them, and I hope to travel and inspire others to continue their education and not lose hope.

Jacqueline Murillo Business, University of Houston-Downtown

Small Business Customers

Walking around my home town, you're bound to see a bunch of small businesses. These small businesses have one thing in common; they are trying to become successful.

The beginning of their success starts off with their customers. As I walk into one of these little businesses, you are greeted by the employees and immediately feel as if you are apart of their family. I see how great they interact with their customers. That is when I realize what I want to do.

I want to own a local business and have that strong relationship with my customers. That is my dream and my motivation to continue studying to get my degree in business so I can be one step closer to making my dreams a reality.

My other motivation is my family. I want to make my parents proud since I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college. Not only would I make my parents proud but I would also be a good role model for my younger brother to continue his studies.

Diana Gonzalez Business, New Jersey City University

Working for the Right Reason

I dream of working for a company that I can help grow and improve. Being a leader is really my strongest trait and I dream that one day I can use it to work for a beneficial company. A beneficial company to me is defined as a company that is improving the world with products or services, like creating biodegradable packaging.

My ultimate goal that keeps me going when times are difficult is that one day I can make enough to create my own scholarship or give money to a hopeful student that cannot afford college on their own. I truly value my education and it would mean the world to me if I could give this gift to someone else in the future.

Like I mentioned briefly, there is more to my education than just getting by. I want to achieve, and achieve highly, so that I can give back in the future. I am not only working toward a better future of my own, but the future of other potential students.

Eleanor Bernero Business Management and Communication, Carthage College

Motivated by Environmental Success

There are roughly 7.5 billion people in the world today and so far I haven’t felt any different than the next person, average. That being said, my greatest fear is settling for mediocrity.

As for my dream, it’s to run my own company one day and then use my influence and resources to change the world’s perspective about how we treat the environment. We mistreat the only home that we’ve ever known. My dream is to change that view, and that’s what motivates me to pursue my studies and apply myself every day.

I have already begun working towards my dream. As evident through the topic of my self-selected senior project; The Economic and Environmental Advantages of Switching Branford High School Completely to Solar Energy. As I become older and more educated on the subject, I would like to start an eco-friendly company that provides environmentally responsible products.

My inspiration stems from my idol, Elon Musk. He has made such an enormous impact through his innovative mindset and technologies. In order to be able to achieve my dream, I need to pursue my studies vigorously and come out at the top of my class; only the most intelligent and dedicated individuals place themselves in a position to exact change in the world.

I will excel in my studies throughout my college education to ensure the fulfillment of my dream to be a leader in the industry of eco-friendly products and goods.

Trey Duval Business, Indiana University - Bloomington

A future without a headset

My dream no longer includes working in a call center every holiday and weekend with escalated customers. You see, that’s what it used to be back when I wasn’t motivated or cared to be successful, back when I was content with just doing the bare minimum and being average. I don’t think one should even call that a dream but rather, just getting by which was okay with me.

It took me awhile to realize that I could do and be more, that life was full of opportunities and that if I really wanted it, it could be mine. I have dreams now and it took me a lot of realization to start working towards them.

My dream is to get my degree in Business in science. I see myself working at Sandia Labs here in my hometown of Albuquerque, New Mexico. I see myself at the labs working in a leadership position overseeing highly classified projects and groups. My goal is to be successful and I am extremely motivated on making this a reality and everyday that goes by is one step closer.

I know that a good education and degree will land me a good job in the field of my choice, doing what I am passionate and excited about along with keeping me financial stable. I find motivation and comfort that one day all this hard work will be worth it and that I will make my family really proud of me. That the struggles we are going through now are just temporary and that things will be better soon. That thought keeps me going because I can’t let them or myself down.

Johanna Business in science, University of Phoenix

Desserts and Cupcakes

I have a dream of one day owning and operating my own business. My passion lies in the food industry, and I've always been drawn to the idea of running a chain of restaurants, similar to Applebee's.

To make this dream a reality, I've decided to start small and build my way up. My first step is to open a make-your-own dessert place and then franchise it. From there, I hope to expand and open multiple restaurants. Eventually, when I reach retirement age, I envision having a small cupcake shop.

I'm driven to work hard and study by the thought of decorating cupcakes in my own little shop at the age of 70. I imagine a beautiful home filled with memories and friends from work. I also think about the potential for my business to be passed down to my children or to leave a legacy for my family through its sale.

I'm determined to make my dream come true. I know that all the hard work will pay off in the end, not just for me, but for my family as well.

Brigit Blanchard Business Administration, Youngstown State University

Restaurant Takeover

When my dad was in high school, my grandparents open a restaurant right across the old Sonic that we had in our little town. When my dad left to be in the army, my grandparents still had the restaurant running. A couple of years goes by and my dad came back to his home town but he didn't come alone. I was with him!

So when I turn 9, I started to work at the restaurant on weekends when I didn't have school and I would work during summers too. Ever since I was that age I knew that I wanted to take over the restaurant not because it was force upon me it's that I wanted to do it. I wanted to do for my grandparents.

My grandparents are my inspiration for everything. They are the reason why I am going to finish school and go to college. So that's why I want to go to college for business management so I'll know what the business needs. I know I'll go through difficult times, but my grandparents will get me through by being there for me. So this is my essay!

Jazmin Mendoza Business Management, Western Texas College

Communism to Capitalism

My motivation in life to succeed is my parents' story about how they moved here from the Soviet Union with nothing. They came here from Yerevan, Armenia in 1992, and now do what they need to in order to support us. My parents inspire me to do well in school so I can have a life that's better than the one they have, and allow my family to have the privileges that we never had.

The ultimate goal is to do well in my life, and I want to be able to provide my parents with whatever they need after they retire. My parents came and did everything that was needed in order to graduate. Now my mother has her bachelor degree in business and my father manages a fairly decent company. I plan to do more than I need and go even further than my parents did.

I want to own a company and enjoy life to the fullest. I want to always be there for others if they need me. Even if my parents never had the greatest financial status, they were able to always help the people that needed it. I was raised to not be a selfish person and I intend to continue to be like that. Whether it's for my future children, or my friend, I want to be able to help that person. That is my drive.

Haik Kolsuzyan Business Management, California State University Northridge

Building Success

Large. It must be huge! Influential, astounding, connects human beings. My business can not be ordinary. It must be relatable, but also innovative.

How will I achieve such a feat with so many adjectives attached? I must be able to provide both goods and services, I can not be just another money machine. I must understand the concepts of business from the inside-out, not just so that I can create a successful business but so I can introduce new ideas into the management of a business.

If I can learn what most businesses do and how they are successful, I can build off of that to create a business truly unique in its style and class. My goal of studying the innards of business and its practice is not merely to get a good grade in the course or to impress future employers, but it is to breed my inner inventiveness in a way that will allow me to separate myself from the pack.

Being ordinary isn’t an option; standing out is the goal. I want to force others to be intrigued by my style of going about things, and I want my style to reek of success. This is why I will study hard and why I will persevere when the going gets tough. I want to be original.

Justin Boldoser Business Management, Ohio University

The Economics of Happiness

Self-interest determines human behavior. This mantra is repeated over and over by economists, but what if self-interest was no longer equated – as it so often is – with selfishness? What if self-centered aspirations could be replaced with a yearning to help those in need?

While living abroad for several years, I saw first-hand the tragic consequences of authority corrupted by greed.

When those who lead consistently act to secure their own self-interests, a culture of egocentrism and distrust begins to be instilled in society. The sad result, which I saw far too often, was a people vainly striving for happiness from within that could only truly come from looking outside themselves.

Observing these things, a dream began to form. A dream to change the stereotypes of greed and ambition that surround the world of business, which I wish to enter.

My dream is to become the type of leader in business who cultivates an atmosphere of giving instead of taking, of helping rather than hindering. If the activities from which individuals receive the most satisfaction could be those of altruism, suddenly self-interest, which seems to guide human behavior, becomes synonymous not with selfishness, but selflessness.

As I struggle to grasp basic economic principles and decipher graphs of supply vs. demand, I am driven by this idea of changing people’s very disposition — helping them find happiness, while also being a force for good in a world that so desperately needs it.

Joshua Mortensen Economics, Brigham Young University - Provo

A Simpler Life

Three years ago, two hours before the new year was brought in, my friend and I formed our dream job. We wanted to open a bookstore cafe.

The following year, I researched bookstore cafes and my friend drifted from the dream. Surprisingly, I held on.

Normally, I would flit from the idea of one occupation to another; however, after this idea was formed, I could not let go. Plans were made for the ambiance of the bookstore cafe, the foods and beverages to be sold, and even what would happen with leftover food.

Eventually, I put the dream on hold to try and find a prestigious occupation that would make everybody around me happy. No matter what, though, I always come back to the idea of owning a bookstore cafe. Owning a bookstore cafe combines my passions of business, helping others, and books.

During that year of research I did, I realized just how much people can be helped with such a simple business. The unsold leftover food would not be thrown away and wasted; I would instead take the leftover food to the homeless. I could hold poetry and music nights to help those who dream of being writers and musicians. I could steer a person toward a life-changing book.

There is so much potential behind owning a bookstore cafe, and I know that no matter what, this will always be my ultimate motivator in my studies.

Catherine Kamerick Business, Undecided

Related: Why Is Business a Good Major?

Entrepreneurship Is My Dream

I am excited about the next phase of my life. However, others who have graduated before me have shared that college can be difficult at times. I know I am going to have to work extremely hard over these next four years if I plan to accomplish my professional dream.

I have been raised in a home where my father owns his own business. As I prepare for college, it is vital that I keep my eye on the prize.

I want to own and operate a Chick-fil-A restaurant. During high school, I have been fortunate enough to work for this impressive company. It is a company that is respected in the community and emphasizes philanthropy.

Owning a store for a company that strives for excellence has always been a dream. It excites me to think I will be a part of a company that offers an outstanding product.

I view my future career as an important aspect of my life. I want to work in a place where I know I will thrive. Keeping my eye on this goal will help me overcome the difficult times I will face while in college. Each day I will give my all to my academics knowing that my goal is something I can and will accomplish.

Carson Jacob Borders Business Administration, Lee University

Marketing Exec and More

When someone is in high school, they learn many things. If there is one thing that I learned, it is that grades and meeting one's goals comes at a certain price. Sometimes, that price is missing out on things that others get to do. Studies, meaning grades and achievements, do not come at an easy price.

In order to achieve your goals, you need determination. So one may ask, "what is your goal?" I would tell them, "my goal is to become a marketing executive, wife, and mother." The dream is to be in the boardrooms, making decisions, while also having a successful family and a supportive husband.

When I think back on my life, in 50 years, I am not going to be thinking and wishing I had done more. Because, I will have accomplished my dreams, and have my grandchildren running around in my living room while I think of how I accomplished my dreams.

Now, I know that doing these things may seem as though they are easy to do, however, I know that they will take determination in order to succeeded. Success is not an easy accomplishment. However, my dreams are my dreams, and I will reach them, no matter the cost.

Leah Carothers Managerial Marketing, Kent State University

Related: Why Study Business? 10 Good Reasons

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20 Must-Read MBA Essay Tips

Business essay tips

Business school admissions committees care about more than (just) your  GMAT scores and GPA —they want to know who you are and why you belong in their program . Your MBA essays are your best chance to sell the person behind the résumé. They should tie all the pieces of your business school application together and create a comprehensive picture of who you are, what you've done, and what you bring to the table.  Here's a roundup of our best MBA essay tips to keep in mind as you begin to write.

How to Write an Unforgettable B-School Essay

1. communicate that you are a proactive, can-do sort of person..

Business schools want leaders, not applicants content with following the herd.

2. Put yourself on ego-alert.

Stress what makes you unique, not what makes you number one.

3. Communicate specific reasons why you're great fit for each school.

Simply stating "I am the ideal candidate for your program" won't convince the admission committee to push you into the admit pile.

Read More: Find Your Business School

4. Bring passion to your writing.

Admissions officers want to know what excites you. And if you'll bring a similar enthusiasm to the classroom.

5. Break the mold.

Challenge perceptions with unexpected essays that say, "There's more to me than you think."

6. If you've taken an unorthodox path to business school, play it up.

Admissions officers appreciate risk-takers.

7. Talk about your gender, ethnicity, minority status or foreign background....

But only if it has affected your outlook or experiences.

8. Fill your essays with plenty of real-life examples.

Specific anecdotes and vivid details make a much greater impact than general claims and broad summaries.

9. Demonstrate a sense of humor or vulnerability.

You're a real person, and it's okay to show it!

BONUS: Don't Make These MBA Essay Mistakes

1. write about your high school glory days. .

Admissions committees don't care if you were editor of the yearbook or captain of the varsity team. They expect their candidates to have moved onto more current, professional achievements.

2. Submit essays that don't answer the questions.

An off-topic essay, or one that merely restates your résumé, will frustrate and bore the admissions committee. More importantly, it won't lead to any new insight about you.

Attend UNC's top-ranked online MBA program without putting your career on hold. See how.

3. Fill essays with industry jargon.

Construct your essays with only enough detail about your job to frame your story and make your point.

4. Reveal half-baked reasons for wanting the MBA.

Admissions officers favor applicants who have well-defined goals. However unsure you are about your future, it's critical that you demonstrate that you have a plan.

5. Exceed the recommended word limits.

This suggests you don't know how to follow directions, operate within constraints or organize your thoughts.

6. Submit an application full of typos and grammatical errors.

A sloppy application suggests a sloppy attitude.

7. Send one school an essay intended for another—or forget to change the school name when using the same essay for several applications.

Admissions committees are (understandably) insulted when they see another school's name or forms.

8. Make excuses.

If your undergraduate experience was one long party, be honest. Discuss how you've matured, both personally and professionally.

9. Be impersonal in the personal statement.

Many applicants avoid the personal like the plague. Instead of talking about how putting themselves through school lowered their GPA, they talk about the rising cost of tuition in America. Admissions officers want to know about YOU.

Read More: How to Ace Your MBA Interview

10. Make too many generalizations.

An essay full of generalizations is a giveaway that you don't have anything to say.

11. Write in a vacuum.

Make sure that each of your essays reinforce and build on the others to present a consistent and compelling representation of who you are, what you've done, and what you bring to the table.

Practice for the GMAT

Take a GMAT practice test with us under the same conditions as the real thing. You'll get a personalized score report highlighting your strengths and areas of improvement.

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Persuasive Essay Writing

Persuasive Essay About Business

Cathy A.

Learn How To Write An Impressive Persuasive Essay About Business

Published on: Jan 11, 2023

Last updated on: Jan 29, 2024

persuasive essay about business

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As a student, you might be tasked with writing a persuasive business essay for your professor. 

This can be overwhelming and intimidating if you are unsure where to begin. After all, there is much to consider—from understanding business basics to applying persuasive writing techniques. 

The good news is that we have compiled helpful tips and free examples for you.  With the right tips and tricks, you can write an effective business essay that will convince your readers. 

Dig in to find out more!

On This Page On This Page -->

Introduction to Persuasive Essay

A persuasive essay is one where the writer presents their opinion on a particular issue and attempts to prove their point of view using evidence and facts.

It differs from other types of essays because it doesn't just rely on facts and data but also on logic, reason, and emotional appeals. This essay requires research into both sides of an issue to present both sides in a balanced manner. 

Persuasive essays are powerful tools when used correctly. They allow students to demonstrate their ability to think critically about complex issues.

Writing a persuasive essay isn't easy, but with research and practice, it can become quite easy! 

Check our detailed guide to get a complete understanding of crafting  persuasive essays.

What is a Persuasive Essay – Example

Why Is Persuasion Important In Business?

Persuasion is an essential skill in the business world. Whether you’re trying to close a deal or convince a client, having persuasive skills can make all the difference. 

  • When done correctly, persuasion can be a powerful tool that helps your business grow and remain competitive in its industry.
  • It gives you greater flexibility to negotiate and get the most out of your transactions, allowing you to maximize your profits.
  • Persuasion can help you create lasting relationships with clients and customers for years. So if you want your business to succeed, developing persuasive techniques is a must! 

Of course, effective persuasion isn’t as easy as it sounds. You need to understand how people think and how you can use language to influence them. 

Persuasion in business is the key to success in the world. As a business person, learning how to persuade people in business is a key skill. 

How Do You Write a Persuasive Business Essay?

Business essays are a great way to show off your knowledge and skills in the business world. 

But how do you write a successful business essay that will persuade your readers? You need to make sure your essay is both interesting and convincing.

 Here are some tips and tricks to help you write an effective persuasive business essay. 

Choose a Topic

An interesting and captivating topic for your essay is essential to a successful persuasive business essay. Make sure you choose something that will engage your readers and keep their attention. 

Brainstorm Ideas

It's important to research the topic so you can develop strong arguments for your essay. Brainstorm ideas and make a list of the relevant points that you can use to support your argument.

Craft an Outline

Creating an outline will help you organize your thoughts and logically structure your essay. This will make it easier for you to write and connect each point to the main idea of your essay.

Learn to write the perfect persuasive essay outline here!

Write the Essay

Once you have an outline, you can start writing your essay. Make sure to include relevant information and evidence to support your point to be more persuasive. 

Tough Essay Due? Hire a Writer!

Tough Essay Due? Hire a Writer!

Proofread and Revise

After finishing your essay, proofread it carefully for any errors or typos. Make sure to check for any grammar mistakes that might have slipped through.

Then, revise your essay if necessary and make sure all of your arguments are clear and concise. 

These steps will help you create a successful persuasive business essay that will capture your readers' attention!

Here are a few examples of persuasive essays on multiple business topics. Read them to get inspiration for your next essay.

How to Write a Good Persuasive Essay Example

Business Essay Examples

Business essay examples can be a great way to gain insight into business and management.

These essays can provide valuable inspiration, whether looking for business ideas or just business information.

Persuasive Essay on Business Administration

Example of Persuasive Speech About Business

Examples of Argumentative Essay About Business

Argumentative essays about business is becoming increasingly popular in college courses. They allow students to think critically and consider how different businesses operate. 

Here are some examples to get you started: 

Argumentative Essay About Online Business

Argumentative Essay About Small Businesses

Argumentative Essay Business Example

Read some more persuasive essay examples here to get inspired!

Persuasive Essay Topics About Business

Here is a list of few topics to get you started with your next business persuasive essay. 

  • Is it Ethical for Companies to Cut Costs by Outsourcing Jobs? 
  • Are Mergers and Acquisitions Good For Long-Term Business Success? 
  • Can Employee Motivation Techniques be Improved By Employers? 
  • Should Companies be Required to Disclose Their Finances? 
  • Is Government Regulation of Business Necessary? 
  • Does Corporate Social Responsibility Benefit Companies in the Long Run? 
  • Are Tax Breaks for Corporations Justified? 
  • What Role Does Advertising Play in Market Competition? 
  • Is Growth the Most Important Factor in Business Success? 
  • Should Companies Invest More Money in Research and Development? 
  • Are Competitive Salaries Essential to Attracting Top Talent? 
  • What is the Best Way for Companies to Manage Financial Risk? 
  • Can Unions Help Improve Working Conditions?
  • Should Companies Invest in Renewable Energy Sources?

Check out our comprehensive  persuasive essay topics  to get inspired for your next persuasive essay.

The next time you're feeling stuck, don't forget to try these persuasive essay examples about business. Follow all our mentioned tips and examples to craft a masterpiece essay on business.

If you still feel stuck or need help getting started, our AI essay writer at CollegeEssay.org is more than happy to assist. 

Just give us your details, and our persuasive essay writer will start working on crafting a masterpiece. 

We provide top-notch essay writing service to help you get the grades you deserve and boost your career.

So what are you waiting for? Contact our legit essay writing service today!

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Home Essay Samples

Essay Samples on Business

The majority of essays on business will deal with more than one discipline because college professors will ask to explore it all from management styles and leadership to economics and corporate legislation. You may choose at least one subject by focusing on the various challenges related to business difficulties. Always start with the essay type that you must submit as it will help you learn more about the structure. See at least one free business essay example to learn more about the range of topics that can be addressed. Even if you are still undecided on your subject, study the structure and check how citations have been formatted. When you are starting with an essay on business, provide your readers with background information and an explanation of the problem. You may also talk about HR management issues or business processes that have already taken place. If you choose an existing business case study, think about the best solutions by explaining why they will work. It can become your thesis statement that will be supported in your body paragraphs. If there are opposite opinions, do not forget to include a counter-argument paragraph to keep your business essay unbiased as you explore!

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Evolution of entrepreneurship is a fascinating journey that mirrors the changes in society, economy, and technology throughout history. From humble beginnings as small-scale trade to the modern era of startups, innovation hubs, and global business networks, entrepreneurship has continuously adapted to the dynamic landscape. This...

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  • Knowledge Management
  • Operations Management

KFC Operations Management: Delivering Finger-Lickin' Good Efficiency

This essay has shed light on the intricate world of KFC's operations management, highlighting how the brand's dedication to quality, innovation, and process optimization enables it to serve up its iconic chicken meals to hungry customers around the globe. Introduction KFC operations management goes beyond...

Advantages and Disadvantages of The Google's Strategy: Branding Diversity Benefits

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10 Critical Decisions of Operations Management

Introduction Operations management plays a pivotal role in the success of organizations across various industries. It involves making a series of critical decisions that impact efficiency, quality, and profitability. These decisions are fundamental to achieving organizational goals and ensuring smooth operations. This essay aims to...

Why I Chose Marketing Management as My Career Path

Why did you choose marketing management? The choice of a career path is a pivotal decision that shapes one's professional journey and aspirations. Among the myriad of possibilities, I chose marketing management as my chosen field — a decision rooted in passion, aptitude, and the...

  • Marketing Management

Why Androids Are Better iPhones: An Argument in Favor of Android's Superiority

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What Type of Leader I Am: Examining My Leadership

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  • Leadership Styles

The Role of Advertising in Society: Functions and Effects

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  • Advertising

The Importance of Time Management for Students

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  • Time Management

The Importance of Teamwork in an Organization

Teamwork is the cornerstone of successful organizations, driving collaboration, innovation, and achieving shared goals. In today's complex and interconnected business landscape, individual brilliance alone is not enough; it is the synergy of diverse talents that propels organizations forward. This essay explores the importance of teamwork...

Overview of the Qualities of a Good and Effective Team Member

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My Experience Working in a Group: a Reflection

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How to Resolve Conflict Without Violence: Building Peaceful Communities

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  • Conflict Resolution

How to Be an Effective Leader: Guiding with Excellence

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  • Effective Leadership

How to Be a Successful Entrepreneur

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  • Business Success

How to Be a Good Leader: The Path to Effective Leadership

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How to Be a Good Employee: Core Qualities

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Exploration of the Importance of Safety in the Workplace

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Automation and the Future of Workforce: Benefits and Challenges

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Apple vs. Microsoft: A Compare and Contrast Analysis

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  • Microsoft Corporation

Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Advertising: Navigating the Digital Marketplace

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  • Marketing and Advertising

A Visit to the Grocery Store: My Recent Experience

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  • Grocery Store
  • Personal Experience

Mastering Life's Clock: The Art of Time Management

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Are Leaders Born or Made: the Nature vs Nurture Debate

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  • Leadership Development

Analysis of the Role of Social Media as a News Source

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  • Social Media

Religion and the Death Penalty: A Complex Intersection

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  • Comparative Analysis
  • Death Penalty

A Comparative Analysis of "Fences" and "Death of a Salesman"

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  • Death of a Salesman

Life Imprisonment vs Death Penalty: A Comparative Analysis

Introduction In societies around the world, two primary forms of punishment are designated for the most severe crimes: life imprisonment and the death penalty. This life imprisonment vs death penalty essay seeks to scrutinize these two forms of punishment, considering their effectiveness, moral implications, costs,...

"The Crucible": Difference Between Movie and Play

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  • The Crucible

McCarthyism and "The Crucible": A Comparative Analysis

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  • Mccarthyism

Stellantis and Samsung SDI's Joint Battery Plant: the EV Revolution in the US

On July 24, 2023, Stellantis and Samsung SDI announced plans to open their second joint battery plant in the United States. This comes just two months after the companies revealed their first joint factory would be built in Kokomo, Indiana. The rapid expansion underscores the...

  • Electric Vehicle

The UPS Teamsters Strike: Navigating Negotiations and Economic Impact

The Looming UPS Teamsters Strike After months of negotiations, the UPS Teamsters union and UPS management reached a tentative agreement on July 26, 2023, potentially averting a nationwide strike. The Teamsters strike had been authorized for early August if a deal was not reached, which...

  • Employee Engagement

How Twitter's Rebranding to X Signals a Shift in Strategy

Twitter's recent rebranding to X by new owner Elon Musk signals a significant shift in strategy for the social media platform. Musk has long envisioned transforming Twitter into an "everything app" similar to China's WeChat, offering a wide range of services beyond social networking. The...

Elon Musk's Twitter Takeover and Reforms: an Overview

Elon Musk's Acquisition of Twitter In October 2022, billionaire Elon Musk completed his acquisition of social media platform Twitter for $44 billion. Musk took over as CEO with ambitious plans to reform Twitter's products, features, algorithms, content policies, and workforce. His tenure has proven controversial...

The Relationship Between Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez

In the realm of opulence, Jeff Bezos, the visionary founder and CEO of the gargantuan entity known as Amazon, proudly claims his throne as one of the world's wealthiest individuals. A seismic shift occurred in 2019 when he unveiled to the public his entanglement with...

The Importance of Service: Unlocking the Essence of SERVQUAL Model

Introduction The importance of service quality in the food and beverage industry has been widely recognized in the literature, as demonstrated by Hugh, Bill & Carmel (2007) and Parasuraman (1985). The value of service to the customer is a key aspect of service quality, encompassing...

  • Customer Service

The Importance of Trust in Building Strong Workplace Relationships

Trust is built on consistency as we interact with different kinds of individuals and build relationships with them based on desire behaviors and attitudes. A lack of trust leads to the desire to control a situation oneself as you believe the only person you can...

  • Organizational Culture

Why Being Respectful to Your Co-Workers is Good For Business

As a worker at the bakery I decide to share my personal experience and reflection on statement which says: 'being respectful to your co-workers is goog for business', here in my essay.  At my current job, there are a few examples of incivility that I...

Why Online Shopping Is Better Than In Store Shopping: a Comparison

Information and communication technologies have a huge influence on modern society, changing how as well as where people work, shop and other ways of our lives. It is not a surprise to see how people are now choosing online shopping instead of in-store shopping. Especially...

  • Online Shopping

The Role of Service Culture in Customer Loyalty

Introduction The purpose of this essay is to explain how successful or unsuccessful service culture may contribute to negative and positive encounters. I believe that customer service plays a huge role in customer loyalty. I will be sharing my delightful experience with Changi Airport Group...

The Importance of Brand Loyalty in Business Success

Brand loyalty reflects the connection between a product and a customer's willingness to repeatedly purchase it. A customer is considered loyal when they show commitment to a specific brand, indicating positive sentiments towards the product or company. Loyalty is demonstrated through consistent support for a...

  • Brand Management
  • Consumer Behavior

Tesla: SWOT Analysis of the Leading Electric Vehicle Manufacturer

Introduction Tesla, the renowned electric vehicle manufacturer, has been at the forefront of revolutionizing the automotive industry. With its innovative technologies and sustainable approach, Tesla has not only disrupted the market but also inspired a shift towards cleaner transportation alternatives. By conducting Tesla SWOT analysis,...

  • SWOT Analysis
  • Tesla Motors

Analysis of President Barack Obama as a Leader

Successful leaders possess distinct traits and qualities that set them apart. One such leader is Barack Obama, who exemplifies several key leadership characteristics. Inspirational communication, unwavering conviction, and a willingness to take risks are among the qualities that have contributed to Obama's success. Furthermore, Obama's...

  • Barack Obama
  • President of The United States

An Overview of Tesco: SWOT Analysis and Recommendations

Introduction This essay examines Tesco, one of the leading retailers in the United Kingdom, through a SWOT analysis. We will explore its history, market dominance, and global presence in simpler terms for easy understanding. Additionally, we'll evaluate Tesco's internal strengths and weaknesses, along with the...

Hospitality Work Experience: Skills Development and Effective Communication

Introduction First-year students were given an opportunity to have work experience in the Front of House, Food and Beverage and Housekeeping departments during November and December. Therefore, I chose to take this opportunity to gain experience in all of following departments shown previously. I thought...

  • Hospitality
  • Work Experience

Taylor Swift: Mastering the Art of Iconic Branding and Marketing

The Power of Taylor Swift's Brand In contrast to Sam Smith and Liam Gallagher, who adhere to conventional marketing and publicity campaigns (Music Week), Taylor Swift has ascended to the status of an iconic legend, boasting an impressive track record of five #1 singles as...

  • Marketing Strategy
  • Music Industry
  • Taylor Swift

Timing the Road to Stardom: The Inspirational Journey of Octavia Lenora Spencer

In the ever-evolving journey of success, timing plays a crucial role. Some individuals find their breakthroughs early in life, while others encounter success later on. Octavia Lenora Spencer, the renowned American actress, offers an excellent example of how success unfolds in its own time. Her...

Significance of Black Inventions That Changed the World

Introduction Many people have heard about famous inventions, such as the lightbulb, the steam engine, and the iPhone. The list is, in fact, endless and impressive. However, although we use many products and inventions in our lives, we don't give thought to who made it...

  • African American History

From Invention to Revolution: Karl Benz and Henry Ford

Introduction The automobile's history informs of how a, then small, three-wheeled machine has turned into the world’s most used form of transportation. It has improved greatly over the years and has become a vital means of transportation. The automobile has been improved greatly over lots...

  • Ford Motor Company

Henry Ford's Inventions and Impact on the Industry

Introduction Henry Ford was one of the most important entrepreneurs the United States of America has seen. This is largely due to the fact that his genius innovative thinking is what allowed for the mass production of cars. He is known by many people as...

Henry Ford: The Man and His Automotive Legacy

Henry Ford: The Man Behind the Cars Henry Ford was an American industrialist, the owner of plants for the production of cars around the world, an inventor, and an author of 161 US patents. He was born in Springwells Township, Wayne County, Michigan. Henry made...

International Business Success: A Case Study of Starbucks

Introduction The article analyzed is “Starbucks CEO Kevin Johnson on Work, Joy and Yes, Coffee” was written by Adi Ignatius. This article was published in the Harvard Business Review, posted September 23, 2019 and was updated September 26, 2019. Area of International Management  The area...

  • Article Review
  • Business Analysis

Assessing CSR's Impact on Profitability: Article Review

Introduction “Social responsibility of business is to increase its profits as long as it stays within the rules of the game” (Friedman 1962). This quote represents the view of renowned economist Milton Friedman. It can be said that this view is only limited to one...

  • Corporate Social Responsibility

Analysis of the Key Elements of the Modern Workforce Development 

Workforce development has been a public-private sector partnership for over a century and though it has taken various forms, it has always been directly involved with the public school system. One of the earliest forms it took was in the way of training agreements. These...

The Sharing Economy - a New Paradigm in Consumerism

With the rise in technology, people are able to communicate and conduct business through the use of the Internet and social networks. This has led to a sharing economy, where consumers can connect and exchange goods and services. Starting a company in a shared economy...

  • Effects of Industrialization

Indian Retail Wine Industry: Opportunity for Growth and Development

This paper studies the factors favouring the growth of the Indian retail wine Industry in Mumbai. With the rapid increase in wine consumption amongst the 20-30 year-olds due to high disposable incomes and enhanced lifestyles, wine is seen to be gradually moving away from the...

Summer Placement Experience: Working in the Planning Sector

The summer placement provided by the university was a great opening for me to learn about the real-life situations occurring in the planning industry. Accordingly, to suit my schedule, I did a full-time based internship starting from 17th December 2019 until 11th February 2020 (i.e.,...

The Ketan Parekh Fraud and Supervisory Lapses: Case Study

The Ketan Parekh scam was the second most important scam that shook the Bombay Stock Exchange (BSE) after the Harshad Mehta scam. Ketan Parekh was himself a mentee of Harshad Mehta and had learned stock trading from the pied piper of Bombay Stock Exchange himself....

  • Legal cases

Daniela's Law Case Study: Employee or an Independent Contractor

The issue based on the facts is to determine whether Daniela whom has been working with Fragrant is considered to be an employee or an independent contractor. The illustration of whether she was treated as an employee or an independent contractor is raised through a...

The Sharing Economy in Australia and the Associated Tax Obstacles

The 'sharing economy' is a term that describes individuals utilizing web applications to lease their property, assets, time and skills. Sharing economy stages enable users to monetise the estimation of surplus limit in the utilization of advantages or work, for instance, vehicles or transportation administrations....

A Brief Analysis of Samsung's Marketing Aim and Strategies

Samsung is a world famous brand that has been made popular not because of the products, but also their innovation in technology. It’s the seventh most valuable brand in the world. Myself I believe this is due to the marketing mix of the company which...

Complexities and Differences Between Traditional and E-Retailing

Retailing is a method of distribution process, in which all the operations involved in the marketing of the goods are sold directly to the end customer. It is include the person who has intention to buy the product and the selling of goods or services...

  • Shopping Mall

Modern-Day Saviour: How the Retail Industry Makes Our Lives Easier

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The Role of a Clinical Psychologist in Treating Problem Drinking: Examining Effective Therapeutic Approaches

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  • Job Description
  • Psychologists

Historical Perspective on Changes in Institutional Diversity

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  • Corporate Governance

When News Media Goes Wrong: the Dangers of Misinformation

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  • Media Influence

The Business of News: Media Ownership and Journalism

Media ownership plays a significant role in shaping the news and information that is presented to the public. In recent years, there has been a growing concern over the concentration of media ownership and its impact on journalism. This essay will explore the relationship between...

Misleading Marketing Schemes in Australia and Their Impact

Marketing is the culprit of generating obesity. Marketing is detrimental to children’s health. Marketing is the culprit. Our country has been slammed with misleading marketing schemes and it is unacceptable. Marketers are using popular methods to wrongly entice young children to buy their products. An...

  • Advertisement

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Marketing can be broadly defined as the communication channel linking a product or service to the targeted customers. Creation of value for customers is a critical task for marketers. From a customer's perspective, customer value is what they 'get' (benefits) relative to what they have...

Automotive Energy Industry: Analysis of Tesla Motors

Many societies are sorely dependent on economies they have set up towards sustenance in the world which are in turn backed up by different kinds of industries. The Automotive Energy Industry is one of the most important among all other kinds of industries out there...

Ensuring Workplace Health and Safety for an Ageing Workforce

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Omnichannel Retailing: Blurring the Lines Between Online and Offline

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Overview of the Basis and System of German Corporate Governance

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  • Organizational Structure

Work Experience Placement: Preparation for Work With Vulnerable Children

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The Possibility of Developing Green Retail Marketing: Study Review

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  • Environmental Protection

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Effective Corporate Governance as a Tool for Company Improvement

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Unmasking Fox News: Exploring the Reliability of Mainstream Media

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  • Knowledge Base
  • College essay
  • College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn’t

College Essay Examples | What Works and What Doesn't

Published on November 8, 2021 by Kirsten Courault . Revised on August 14, 2023.

One effective method for improving your college essay is to read example essays . Here are three sample essays, each with a bad and good version to help you improve your own essay.

Table of contents

Essay 1: sharing an identity or background through a montage, essay 2: overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative, essay 3: showing the influence of an important person or thing, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

This essay uses a montage structure to show snapshots of a student’s identity and background. The writer builds her essay around the theme of the five senses, sharing memories she associates with sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

In the weak rough draft, there is little connection between the individual anecdotes, and they do not robustly demonstrate the student’s qualities.

In the final version, the student uses an extended metaphor of a museum to create a strong connection among her stories, each showcasing a different part of her identity. She draws a specific personal insight from each memory and uses the stories to demonstrate her qualities and values.

How My Five Senses Record My Life

Throughout my life, I have kept a record of my life’s journey with my five senses. This collection of memories matters a great deal because I experience life every day through the lens of my identity.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

My classmate pulls one eye up and the other down.

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention to my discomfort, anger, and shame. How could he say such a mean thing about me? What did I do to him? Joseph’s words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Soaking in overflowing bubble baths with Andrew Lloyd Webber belting from the boombox.

Listening to “Cell Block Tango” with my grandparents while eating filet mignon at a dine-in show in Ashland.

Singing “The Worst Pies in London” at a Korean karaoke club while laughing hysterically with my brother, who can do an eerily spot-on rendition of Sweeney Todd.

Taking car rides with Mom in the Toyota Sequoia as we compete to hit the high note in “Think of Me” from The Phantom of the Opera . Neither of us stands a chance!

The sweet scent of vegetables, Chinese noodles, and sushi wafts through the room as we sit around the table. My grandma presents a good-smelling mixture of international cuisine for our Thanksgiving feast. My favorite is the Chinese food that she cooks. Only the family prayer stands between me and the chance to indulge in these delicious morsels, comforting me with their familiar savory scents.

I rinse a faded plastic plate decorated by my younger sister at the Waterworks Art Center. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. I actually don’t mind this daily chore.

I taste sweat on my upper lip as I fight to continue pedaling on a stationary bike. Ava’s next to me and tells me to go up a level. We’re biking buddies, dieting buddies, and Saturday morning carbo-load buddies. After the bike display hits 30 minutes, we do a five-minute cool down, drink Gatorade, and put our legs up to rest.

My five senses are always gathering new memories of my identity. I’m excited to expand my collection.

Word count: 455

College essay checklist

Topic and structure

  • I’ve selected a topic that’s meaningful to me.
  • My essay reveals something different from the rest of my application.
  • I have a clear and well-structured narrative.
  • I’ve concluded with an insight or a creative ending.

Writing style and tone

  • I’ve crafted an introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.
  • I’ve written my essay in a way that shows instead of tells.
  • I’ve used appropriate style and tone for a college essay.
  • I’ve used specific, vivid personal stories that would be hard to replicate.
  • I’ve demonstrated my positive traits and values in my essay.
  • My essay is focused on me, not another person or thing.
  • I’ve included self-reflection and insight in my essay.
  • I’ve respected the word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

Making Sense of My Identity

Welcome to The Rose Arimoto Museum. You are about to enter the “Making Sense of My Identity” collection. Allow me to guide you through select exhibits, carefully curated memories from Rose’s sensory experiences.

First, the Sight Exhibit.

“Chinese! Japanese!”

“Look what my parents did to me!”

No matter how many times he repeats it, the other kids keep laughing. I focus my almond-shaped eyes on the ground, careful not to attract attention as my lip trembles and palms sweat. Joseph couldn’t have known how his words would engrave themselves into my memory, making me question my appearance every time I saw my eyes in the mirror.

Ten years later, these same eyes now fixate on an InDesign layout sheet, searching for grammar errors while my friend Selena proofreads our feature piece on racial discrimination in our hometown. As we’re the school newspaper editors, our journalism teacher Ms. Riley allows us to stay until midnight to meet tomorrow’s deadline. She commends our work ethic, which for me is fueled by writing一my new weapon of choice.

Next, you’ll encounter the Sound Exhibit.

Still, the world is my Broadway as I find my voice on stage.

Just below, enter the Smell Exhibit.

While I help my Pau Pau prepare dinner, she divulges her recipe for cha siu bau, with its soft, pillowy white exterior hiding the fragrant filling of braised barbecue pork inside. The sweet scent of candied yams, fun see , and Spam musubi wafts through the room as we gather around our Thankgsiving feast. After our family prayer, we indulge in these delicious morsels until our bellies say stop. These savory scents of my family’s cultural heritage linger long after I’ve finished the last bite.

Next up, the Touch Exhibit.

I rinse a handmade mug that I had painstakingly molded and painted in ceramics class. I wear yellow rubber gloves to protect my hands at Mom’s insistence, but I can still feel the warm water that offers a bit of comfort as I finish the task at hand. The crusted casserole dish with stubborn remnants from my dad’s five-layer lasagna requires extra effort, so I fill it with Dawn and scalding water, setting it aside to soak. For a few fleeting moments, as I continue my nightly chore, the pressure of my weekend job, tomorrow’s calculus exam, and next week’s track meet are washed away.

Finally, we end with the Taste Exhibit.

My legs fight to keep pace with the stationary bike as the salty taste of sweat seeps into corners of my mouth. Ava challenges me to take it up a level. We always train together一even keeping each other accountable on our strict protein diet of chicken breasts, broccoli, and Muscle Milk. We occasionally splurge on Saturday mornings after interval training, relishing the decadence of everything bagels smeared with raspberry walnut cream cheese. But this is Wednesday, so I push myself. I know that once the digital display hits 30:00, we’ll allow our legs to relax into a five-minute cool down, followed by the fiery tang of Fruit Punch Gatorade to rehydrate.

Thank you for your attention. This completes our tour. I invite you to rejoin us for next fall’s College Experience collection, which will exhibit Rose’s continual search for identity and learning.

Word count: 649

  • I’ve crafted an essay introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

This essay uses a narrative structure to recount how a student overcame a challenge, specifically a sports injury. Since this topic is often overused, the essay requires vivid description, a memorable introduction and conclusion , and interesting insight.

The weak rough draft contains an interesting narrative, insight, and vivid imagery, but it has an overly formal tone that distracts the reader from the story. The student’s use of elaborate vocabulary in every sentence makes the essay sound inauthentic and stilted.

The final essay uses a more natural, conversational tone and chooses words that are vivid and specific without being pretentious. This allows the reader to focus on the narrative and appreciate the student’s unique insight.

One fateful evening some months ago, a defensive linebacker mauled me, his 212 pounds indisputably alighting upon my ankle. Ergo, an abhorrent cracking of calcified tissue. At first light the next day, I awoke cognizant of a new paradigm—one sans football—promulgated by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

It’s been an exceedingly taxing semester not being able to engage in football, but I am nonetheless excelling in school. That twist of fate never would have come to pass if I hadn’t broken my ankle. I still limp down the halls at school, but I’m feeling less maudlin these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, emboldened by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

Five months ago, right after my ill-fated injury, my friends’ demeanor became icy and remote, although I couldn’t fathom why. My teachers, in contrast, beckoned me close and invited me on a new learning journey. But despite their indubitably kind advances, even they recoiled when I drew near.

A few weeks later, I started to change my attitude vis-à-vis my newfound situation and determined to put my energy toward productive ends (i.e., homework). I wasn’t enamored with school. I never had been. Nevertheless, I didn’t abhor it either. I just preferred football.

My true turn of fate came when I started studying more and participating in class. I started to enjoy history class, and I grew interested in reading more. I discovered a volume of poems written by a fellow adventurer on the road of life, and I loved it. I ravenously devoured everything in the writer’s oeuvre .

As the weeks flitted past, I found myself spending my time with a group of people who were quite different from me. They participated in theater and played instruments in marching band. They raised their hands in class when the teacher posed a question. Because of their auspicious influence, I started raising my hand too. I am no longer vapid, and I now have something to say.

I am certain that your school would benefit from my miraculous academic transformation, and I entreat you to consider my application to your fine institution. Accepting me to your university would be an unequivocally righteous decision.

Word count: 408

  • I’ve chosen a college essay topic that’s meaningful to me.
  • I’ve respected the essay word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

As I step out of bed, the pain shoots through my foot and up my leg like it has every morning since “the game.” That night, a defensive linebacker tackled me, his 212 pounds landing decidedly on my ankle. I heard the sound before I felt it. The next morning, I awoke to a new reality—one without football—announced by a stabbing sensation that would continue to haunt me every morning of this semester.

My broken ankle broke my spirit.

My friends steered clear of me as I hobbled down the halls at school. My teachers tried to find the delicate balance between giving me space and offering me help. I was as unsure how to deal with myself as they were.

In time, I figured out how to redirect some of my frustration, anger, and pent-up energy toward my studies. I had never not liked school, but I had never really liked it either. In my mind, football practice was my real-life classroom, where I could learn all I ever needed to know.

Then there was that day in Mrs. Brady’s history class. We sang a ridiculous-sounding mnemonic song to memorize all the Chinese dynasties from Shang to Qing. I mumbled the words at first, but I got caught up in the middle of the laughter and began singing along. Starting that day, I began browsing YouTube videos about history, curious to learn more. I had started learning something new, and, to my surprise, I liked it.

With my afternoons free from burpees and scrimmages, I dared to crack open a few more of my books to see what was in them. That’s when my English poetry book, Paint Me Like I Am , caught my attention. It was full of poems written by students my age from WritersCorps. I couldn’t get enough.

I wasn’t the only one who was taken with the poems. Previously, I’d only been vaguely aware of Christina as one of the weird kids I avoided. Crammed in the margins of her high-top Chuck Taylors were scribbled lines of her own poetry and infinite doodles. Beyond her punk rock persona was a sensitive artist, puppy-lover, and environmental activist that a wide receiver like me would have never noticed before.

With Christina, I started making friends with people who once would have been invisible to me: drama geeks, teachers’ pets, band nerds. Most were college bound but not to play a sport. They were smart and talented, and they cared about people and politics and all sorts of issues that I hadn’t considered before. Strangely, they also seemed to care about me.

I still limp down the halls at school, but I don’t seem to mind as much these days. My friends don’t steer clear anymore, and I have a lot more of them. My teachers, excited by my newfound interest in learning, continually invite me to learn more and do my best. Football is still on hold, but I feel like I’m finally playing a game that matters.

My broken ankle broke my spirit. Then, it broke my ignorance.

Word count: 512

This essay uses a narrative structure to show how a pet positively influenced the student’s values and character.

In the weak draft, the student doesn’t focus on himself, instead delving into too much detail about his dog’s positive traits and his grandma’s illness. The essay’s structure is meandering, with tangents and details that don’t communicate any specific insight.

In the improved version, the student keeps the focus on himself, not his pet. He chooses the most relevant stories to demonstrate specific qualities, and the structure more clearly builds up to an insightful conclusion.

Man’s Best Friend

I desperately wanted a cat. I begged my parents for one, but once again, my sisters overruled me, so we drove up the Thompson Valley Canyon from Loveland to Estes Park to meet our newest family member. My sisters had already hatched their master plan, complete with a Finding Nemo blanket to entice the pups. The blanket was a hit with all of them, except for one—the one who walked over and sat in my lap. That was the day that Francisco became a Villanova.

Maybe I should say he was mine because I got stuck with all the chores. As expected, my dog-loving sisters were nowhere to be found! My mom was “extra” with all the doggy gear. Cisco even had to wear these silly little puppy shoes outside so that when he came back in, he wouldn’t get the carpets dirty. If it was raining, my mother insisted I dress Cisco in a ridiculous yellow raincoat, but, in my opinion, it was an unnecessary source of humiliation for poor Cisco. It didn’t take long for Cisco to decide that his outerwear could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I took off one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his ensemble more when we had to walk through snowdrifts to get his job done.

When my abuela was dying from cancer, we went in the middle of the night to see her before she passed. I was sad and scared. But, my dad let me take Cisco in the car, so Cisco cuddled with me and made me feel much better. It’s like he could read my mind. Once we arrived at the hospital, the fluorescent lighting made the entire scene seem unreal, as if I was watching the scene unfold through someone else’s eyes. My grandma lay calmly on her bed, smiling at us even through her last moments of pain. I disliked seeing the tubes and machines hooked up to her. It was unnatural to see her like this一it was so unlike the way I usually saw her beautiful in her flowery dress, whistling a Billie Holiday tune and baking snickerdoodle cookies in the kitchen. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained at the foot of the bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that seemed more effective at communicating comfort and compassion than the rest of us who attempted to offer up words of comfort that just seemed hollow and insincere. It was then that I truly appreciated Cisco’s empathy for others.

As I accompanied my dad to pick up our dry cleaner’s from Ms. Chapman, a family friend asked, “How’s Cisco?” before even asking about my sisters or me. Cisco is the Villanova family mascot, a Goldendoodle better recognized by strangers throughout Loveland than the individual members of my family.

On our summer trip to Boyd Lake State Park, we stayed at the Cottonwood campground for a breathtaking view of the lake. Cisco was allowed to come, but we had to keep him on a leash at all times. After a satisfying meal of fish, our entire family walked along the beach. Cisco and I led the way while my mom and sisters shuffled behind. Cisco always stopped and refused to move, looking back to make sure the others were still following. Once satisfied that everyone was together, he would turn back around and continue prancing with his golden boy curly locks waving in the chilly wind.

On the beach, Cisco “accidentally” got let off his leash and went running maniacally around the sand, unfettered and free. His pure joy as he raced through the sand made me forget about my AP Chem exam or my student council responsibilities. He brings a smile not only to my family members but everyone around him.

Cisco won’t live forever, but without words, he has impressed upon me life lessons of responsibility, compassion, loyalty, and joy. I can’t imagine life without him.

Word count: 701

I quickly figured out that as “the chosen one,” I had been enlisted by Cisco to oversee all aspects of his “business.” I learned to put on Cisco’s doggie shoes to keep the carpet clean before taking him out一no matter the weather. Soon after, Cisco decided that his shoes could be used as toys in a game of Keep Away. As soon as I removed one of his shoes, he would run away with it, hiding under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. But, he seemed to appreciate his footwear more after I’d gear him up and we’d tread through the snow for his daily walks.

One morning, it was 7:15 a.m., and Alejandro was late again to pick me up. “Cisco, you don’t think he overslept again, do you?” Cisco barked, as if saying, “Of course he did!” A text message would never do, so I called his dad, even if it was going to get him in trouble. There was no use in both of us getting another tardy during our first-period class, especially since I was ready on time after taking Cisco for his morning outing. Alejandro was mad at me but not too much. He knew I had helped him out, even if he had to endure his dad’s lecture on punctuality.

Another early morning, I heard my sister yell, “Mom! Where are my good ballet flats? I can’t find them anywhere!” I hesitated and then confessed, “I moved them.” She shrieked at me in disbelief, but I continued, “I put them in your closet, so Cisco wouldn’t chew them up.” More disbelief. However, this time, there was silence instead of shrieking.

Last spring, Cisco and I were fast asleep when the phone rang at midnight. Abuela would not make it through the night after a long year of chemo, but she was in Pueblo, almost three hours away. Sitting next to me for that long car ride on I-25 in pitch-black darkness, Cisco knew exactly what I needed and snuggled right next to me as I petted his coat in a rhythm while tears streamed down my face. The hospital didn’t usually allow dogs, but they made a special exception to respect my grandma’s last wishes that the whole family be together. Cisco remained sitting at the foot of the hospital bed, intently watching abuela with a silence that communicated more comfort than our hollow words. Since then, whenever I sense someone is upset, I sit in silence with them or listen to their words, just like Cisco did.

The other day, one of my friends told me, “You’re a strange one, Josue. You’re not like everybody else but in a good way.” I didn’t know what he meant at first. “You know, you’re super responsible and grown-up. You look out for us instead of yourself. Nobody else does that.” I was a bit surprised because I wasn’t trying to do anything different. I was just being me. But then I realized who had taught me: a fluffy little puppy who I had wished was a cat! I didn’t choose Cisco, but he certainly chose me and, unexpectedly, became my teacher, mentor, and friend.

Word count: 617

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

  • Writing process
  • Transition words
  • Passive voice
  • Paraphrasing

 Communication

  • How to end an email
  • Ms, mrs, miss
  • How to start an email
  • I hope this email finds you well
  • Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

  • Personal pronouns
  • Conjunctions

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

  • A unique, personally meaningful topic
  • A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
  • Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
  • Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
  • Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
  • A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

There are no set rules for how to structure a college application essay , but these are two common structures that work:

  • A montage structure, a series of vignettes with a common theme.
  • A narrative structure, a single story that shows your personal growth or how you overcame a challenge.

Avoid the five-paragraph essay structure that you learned in high school.

Though admissions officers are interested in hearing your story, they’re also interested in how you tell it. An exceptionally written essay will differentiate you from other applicants, meaning that admissions officers will spend more time reading it.

You can use literary devices to catch your reader’s attention and enrich your storytelling; however, focus on using just a few devices well, rather than trying to use as many as possible.

Most importantly, your essay should be about you , not another person or thing. An insightful college admissions essay requires deep self-reflection, authenticity, and a balance between confidence and vulnerability.

Your essay shouldn’t be a résumé of your experiences but instead should tell a story that demonstrates your most important values and qualities.

When revising your college essay , first check for big-picture issues regarding message, flow, tone, style , and clarity. Then, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

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16 Strong College Essay Examples from Top Schools

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What’s Covered:

  • Common App Essays
  • Why This College Essays
  • Why This Major Essays
  • Extracurricular Essays
  • Overcoming Challenges Essays
  • Community Service Essays
  • Diversity Essays
  • Political/Global Issues Essays
  • Where to Get Feedback on Your Essays

Most high school students don’t get a lot of experience with creative writing, so the college essay can be especially daunting. Reading examples of successful essays, however, can help you understand what admissions officers are looking for.

In this post, we’ll share 16 college essay examples of many different topics. Most of the essay prompts fall into 8 different archetypes, and you can approach each prompt under that archetype in a similar way. We’ve grouped these examples by archetype so you can better structure your approach to college essays.

If you’re looking for school-specific guides, check out our 2022-2023 essay breakdowns .

Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Note: the essays are titled in this post for navigation purposes, but they were not originally titled. We also include the original prompt where possible.

The Common App essay goes to all of the schools on your list, unless those schools use a separate application platform. Because of this, it’s the most important essay in your portfolio, and likely the longest essay you’ll need to write (you get up to 650 words). 

The goal of this essay is to share a glimpse into who you are, what matters to you, and what you hope to achieve. It’s a chance to share your story. 

Learn more about how to write the Common App essay in our complete guide.

The Multiple Meanings of Point

Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 words)

Night had robbed the academy of its daytime colors, yet there was comfort in the dim lights that cast shadows of our advances against the bare studio walls. Silhouettes of roundhouse kicks, spin crescent kicks, uppercuts and the occasional butterfly kick danced while we sparred. She approached me, eyes narrowed with the trace of a smirk challenging me. “Ready spar!” Her arm began an upward trajectory targeting my shoulder, a common first move. I sidestepped — only to almost collide with another flying fist. Pivoting my right foot, I snapped my left leg, aiming my heel at her midsection. The center judge raised one finger. 

There was no time to celebrate, not in the traditional sense at least. Master Pollard gave a brief command greeted with a unanimous “Yes, sir” and the thud of 20 hands dropping-down-and-giving-him-30, while the “winners” celebrated their victory with laps as usual. 

Three years ago, seven-thirty in the evening meant I was a warrior. It meant standing up straighter, pushing a little harder, “Yes, sir” and “Yes, ma’am”, celebrating birthdays by breaking boards, never pointing your toes, and familiarity. Three years later, seven-thirty in the morning meant I was nervous. 

The room is uncomfortably large. The sprung floor soaks up the checkerboard of sunlight piercing through the colonial windows. The mirrored walls further illuminate the studio and I feel the light scrutinizing my sorry attempts at a pas de bourrée, while capturing the organic fluidity of the dancers around me. “Chassé en croix, grand battement, pique, pirouette.” I follow the graceful limbs of the woman in front of me, her legs floating ribbons, as she executes what seems to be a perfect ronds de jambes. Each movement remains a negotiation. With admirable patience, Ms. Tan casts me a sympathetic glance.   

There is no time to wallow in the misery that is my right foot. Taekwondo calls for dorsiflexion; pointed toes are synonymous with broken toes. My thoughts drag me into a flashback of the usual response to this painful mistake: “You might as well grab a tutu and head to the ballet studio next door.” Well, here I am Master Pollard, unfortunately still following your orders to never point my toes, but no longer feeling the satisfaction that comes with being a third degree black belt with 5 years of experience quite literally under her belt. It’s like being a white belt again — just in a leotard and ballet slippers. 

But the appetite for new beginnings that brought me here doesn’t falter. It is only reinforced by the classical rendition of “Dancing Queen” that floods the room and the ghost of familiarity that reassures me that this new beginning does not and will not erase the past. After years spent at the top, it’s hard to start over. But surrendering what you are only leads you to what you may become. In Taekwondo, we started each class reciting the tenets: honor, courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, courage, humility, and knowledge, and I have never felt that I embodied those traits more so than when I started ballet. 

The thing about change is that it eventually stops making things so different. After nine different schools, four different countries, three different continents, fluency in Tamil, Norwegian, and English, there are more blurred lines than there are clear fragments. My life has not been a tactfully executed, gold medal-worthy Taekwondo form with each movement defined, nor has it been a series of frappés performed by a prima ballerina with each extension identical and precise, but thankfully it has been like the dynamics of a spinning back kick, fluid, and like my chances of landing a pirouette, unpredictable. 

The first obvious strength of this essay is the introduction—it is interesting and snappy and uses enough technical language that we want to figure out what the student is discussing. When writing introductions, students tend to walk the line between intriguing and confusing. It is important that your essay ends up on the intentionally intriguing side of that line—like this student does! We are a little confused at first, but by then introducing the idea of “sparring,” the student grounds their essay.

People often advise young writers to “show, not tell.” This student takes that advice a step further and makes the reader do a bit of work to figure out what they are telling us. Nowhere in this essay does it say “After years of Taekwondo, I made the difficult decision to switch over to ballet.” Rather, the student says “It’s like being a white belt again — just in a leotard and ballet slippers.” How powerful! 

After a lot of emotional language and imagery, this student finishes off their essay with very valuable (and necessary!) reflection. They show admissions officers that they are more than just a good writer—they are a mature and self-aware individual who would be beneficial to a college campus. Self-awareness comes through with statements like “surrendering what you are only leads you to what you may become” and maturity can be seen through the student’s discussion of values: “honor, courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, courage, humility, and knowledge, and I have never felt that I embodied those traits more so than when I started ballet.”

Sparking Self-Awareness

Prompt: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? (250-650 words)

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

First things first, this Common App essay is well-written. This student is definitely showing the admissions officers her ability to articulate her points beautifully and creatively. It starts with vivid images like that of the “rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free.” And because the prose is flowery (and beautiful!), the writer can get away with metaphors like “I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms” that might sound cheesy without the clear command of the English language that the writer quickly establishes.

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

While dialogue often comes off as cliche or trite, this student effectively incorporates her family members saying “Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” This is achieved through the apt use of the verb “taunted” to characterize the questioning and through the question’s thematic connection to the earlier image of the student as a rustic princess. Similarly, rhetorical questions can feel randomly placed in essays, but this student’s inclusion of the questions “Was I so dainty?” and “Was I that incapable?” feel perfectly justified after she establishes that she was pondering her failure.

Quite simply, this essay shows how quality writing can make a simple story outstandingly compelling. 

Why This College?

“Why This College?” is one of the most common essay prompts, likely because schools want to understand whether you’d be a good fit and how you’d use their resources.

This essay is one of the more straightforward ones you’ll write for college applications, but you still can and should allow your voice to shine through.

Learn more about how to write the “Why This College?” essay in our guide.

Prompt: How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying (650 words).

Sister Simone Roach, a theorist of nursing ethics, said, “caring is the human mode of being.” I have long been inspired by Sister Roach’s Five C’s of Caring: commitment, conscience, competence, compassion, and confidence. Penn both embraces and fosters these values through a rigorous, interdisciplinary curriculum and unmatched access to service and volunteer opportunities.

COMMITMENT. Reading through the activities that Penn Quakers devote their time to (in addition to academics!) felt like drinking from a firehose in the best possible way. As a prospective nursing student with interests outside of my major, I value this level of flexibility. I plan to leverage Penn’s liberal arts curriculum to gain an in-depth understanding of the challenges LGBT people face, especially regarding healthcare access. Through courses like “Interactional Processes with LGBT Individuals” and volunteering at the Mazzoni Center for outreach, I hope to learn how to better support the Penn LGBT community as well as my family and friends, including my cousin, who came out as trans last year.

CONSCIENCE. As one of the first people in my family to attend a four-year university, I wanted a school that promoted a sense of moral responsibility among its students. At Penn, professors challenge their students to question and recreate their own set of morals by sparking thought- provoking, open-minded discussions. I can imagine myself advocating for universal healthcare in courses such as “Health Care Reform & Future of American Health System” and debating its merits with my peers. Studying in an environment where students confidently voice their opinions – conservative or liberal – will push me to question and strengthen my value system.

COMPETENCE. Two aspects that drew my attention to Penn’s BSN program were its high-quality research opportunities and hands-on nursing projects. Through its Office of Nursing Research, Penn connects students to faculty members who share similar research interests. As I volunteered at a nursing home in high school, I hope to work with Dr. Carthon to improve the quality of care for senior citizens. Seniors, especially minorities, face serious barriers to healthcare that I want to resolve. Additionally, Penn’s unique use of simulations to bridge the gap between classroom learning and real-world application impressed me. Using computerized manikins that mimic human responses, classes in Penn’s nursing program allow students to apply their emergency medical skills in a mass casualty simulation and monitor their actions afterward through a video system. Participating in this activity will help me identify my strengths and areas for improvement regarding crisis management and medical care in a controlled yet realistic setting. Research opportunities and simulations will develop my skills even before I interact with patients.

COMPASSION. I value giving back through community service, and I have a particular interest in Penn’s Community Champions and Nursing Students For Sexual & Reproductive Health (NSRH). As a four-year volunteer health educator, I hope to continue this work as a Community Champions member. I am excited to collaborate with medical students to teach fourth and fifth graders in the city about cardiology or lead a chair dance class for the elders at the LIFE Center. Furthermore, as a feminist who firmly believes in women’s abortion rights, I’d like to join NSRH in order to advocate for women’s health on campus. At Penn, I can work with like-minded people to make a meaningful difference.

CONFIDENCE. All of the Quakers that I have met possess one defining trait: confidence. Each student summarized their experiences at Penn as challenging but fulfilling. Although I expect my coursework to push me, from my conversations with current Quakers I know it will help me to be far more effective in my career.

The Five C’s of Caring are important heuristics for nursing, but they also provide insight into how I want to approach my time in college. I am eager to engage with these principles both as a nurse and as a Penn Quaker, and I can’t wait to start.

This prompt from Penn asks students to tailor their answer to their specific field of study. One great thing that this student does is identify their undergraduate school early, by mentioning “Sister Simone Roach, a theorist of nursing ethics.” You don’t want readers confused or searching through other parts of your application to figure out your major.

With a longer essay like this, it is important to establish structure. Some students organize their essay in a narrative form, using an anecdote from their past or predicting their future at a school. This student uses Roach’s 5 C’s of Caring as a framing device that organizes their essay around values. This works well!

While this essay occasionally loses voice, there are distinct moments where the student’s personality shines through. We see this with phrases like “felt like drinking from a fire hose in the best possible way” and “All of the Quakers that I have met possess one defining trait: confidence.” It is important to show off your personality to make your essay stand out. 

Finally, this student does a great job of referencing specific resources about Penn. It’s clear that they have done their research (they’ve even talked to current Quakers). They have dreams and ambitions that can only exist at Penn.

Prompt: What is it about Yale that has led you to apply? (125 words or fewer)

Coin collector and swimmer. Hungarian and Romanian. Critical and creative thinker. I was drawn to Yale because they don’t limit one’s mind with “or” but rather embrace unison with “and.” 

Wandering through the Beinecke Library, I prepare for my multidisciplinary Energy Studies capstone about the correlation between hedonism and climate change, making it my goal to find implications in environmental sociology. Under the tutelage of Assistant Professor Arielle Baskin-Sommers, I explore the emotional deficits of depression, utilizing neuroimaging to scrutinize my favorite branch of psychology: human perception. At Walden Peer Counseling, I integrate my peer support and active listening skills to foster an empathetic environment for the Yale community. Combining my interests in psychological and environmental studies is why I’m proud to be a Bulldog. 

This answer to the “Why This College” question is great because 1) the student shows their excitement about attending Yale 2) we learn the ways in which attending Yale will help them achieve their goals and 3) we learn their interests and identities.

In this response, you can find a prime example of the “Image of the Future” approach, as the student flashes forward and envisions their life at Yale, using present tense (“I explore,” “I integrate,” “I’m proud”). This approach is valuable if you are trying to emphasize your dedication to a specific school. Readers get the feeling that this student is constantly imagining themselves on campus—it feels like Yale really matters to them.

Starting this image with the Beinecke Library is great because the Beinecke Library only exists at Yale. It is important to tailor “Why This College” responses to each specific school. This student references a program of study, a professor, and an extracurricular that only exist at Yale. Additionally, they connect these unique resources to their interests—psychological and environmental studies.

Finally, we learn about the student (independent of academics) through this response. By the end of their 125 words, we know their hobbies, ethnicities, and social desires, in addition to their academic interests. It can be hard to tackle a 125-word response, but this student shows that it’s possible.

Why This Major?

The goal of this prompt is to understand how you came to be interested in your major and what you plan to do with it. For competitive programs like engineering, this essay helps admissions officers distinguish students who have a genuine passion and are most likely to succeed in the program. This is another more straightforward essay, but you do have a bit more freedom to include relevant anecdotes.

Learn more about how to write the “Why This Major?” essay in our guide.

Why Duke Engineering

Prompt: If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering as a first year applicant, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke (250 words).

One Christmas morning, when I was nine, I opened a snap circuit set from my grandmother. Although I had always loved math and science, I didn’t realize my passion for engineering until I spent the rest of winter break creating different circuits to power various lights, alarms, and sensors. Even after I outgrew the toy, I kept the set in my bedroom at home and knew I wanted to study engineering. Later, in a high school biology class, I learned that engineering didn’t only apply to circuits, but also to medical devices that could improve people’s quality of life. Biomedical engineering allows me to pursue my academic passions and help people at the same time.

Just as biology and engineering interact in biomedical engineering, I am fascinated by interdisciplinary research in my chosen career path. Duke offers unmatched resources, such as DUhatch and The Foundry, that will enrich my engineering education and help me practice creative problem-solving skills. The emphasis on entrepreneurship within these resources will also help me to make a helpful product. Duke’s Bass Connections program also interests me; I firmly believe that the most creative and necessary problem-solving comes by bringing people together from different backgrounds. Through this program, I can use my engineering education to solve complicated societal problems such as creating sustainable surgical tools for low-income countries. Along the way, I can learn alongside experts in the field. Duke’s openness and collaborative culture span across its academic disciplines, making Duke the best place for me to grow both as an engineer and as a social advocate.

This prompt calls for a complex answer. Students must explain both why they want to study engineering and why Duke is the best place for them to study engineering.

This student begins with a nice hook—a simple anecdote about a simple present with profound consequences. They do not fluff up their anecdote with flowery images or emotionally-loaded language; it is what it is, and it is compelling and sweet. As their response continues, they express a particular interest in problem-solving. They position problem-solving as a fundamental part of their interest in engineering (and a fundamental part of their fascination with their childhood toy). This helps readers to learn about the student!

Problem-solving is also the avenue by which they introduce Duke’s resources—DUhatch, The Foundry, and Duke’s Bass Connections program. It is important to notice that the student explains how these resources can help them achieve their future goals—it is not enough to simply identify the resources!

This response is interesting and focused. It clearly answers the prompt, and it feels honest and authentic.

Why Georgia Tech CompSci

Prompt: Why do you want to study your chosen major specifically at Georgia Tech? (300 words max)

I held my breath and hit RUN. Yes! A plump white cat jumped out and began to catch the falling pizzas. Although my Fat Cat project seems simple now, it was the beginning of an enthusiastic passion for computer science. Four years and thousands of hours of programming later, that passion has grown into an intense desire to explore how computer science can serve society. Every day, surrounded by technology that can recognize my face and recommend scarily-specific ads, I’m reminded of Uncle Ben’s advice to a young Spiderman: “with great power comes great responsibility”. Likewise, the need to ensure digital equality has skyrocketed with AI’s far-reaching presence in society; and I believe that digital fairness starts with equality in education.

The unique use of threads at the College of Computing perfectly matches my interests in AI and its potential use in education; the path of combined threads on Intelligence and People gives me the rare opportunity to delve deep into both areas. I’m particularly intrigued by the rich sets of both knowledge-based and data-driven intelligence courses, as I believe AI should not only show correlation of events, but also provide insight for why they occur.

In my four years as an enthusiastic online English tutor, I’ve worked hard to help students overcome both financial and technological obstacles in hopes of bringing quality education to people from diverse backgrounds. For this reason, I’m extremely excited by the many courses in the People thread that focus on education and human-centered technology. I’d love to explore how to integrate AI technology into the teaching process to make education more available, affordable, and effective for people everywhere. And with the innumerable opportunities that Georgia Tech has to offer, I know that I will be able to go further here than anywhere else.

With a “Why This Major” essay, you want to avoid using all of your words to tell a story. That being said, stories are a great way to show your personality and make your essay stand out. This student’s story takes up only their first 21 words, but it positions the student as fun and funny and provides an endearing image of cats and pizzas—who doesn’t love cats and pizzas? There are other moments when the student’s personality shines through also, like the Spiderman reference.

While this pop culture reference adds color, it also is important for what the student is getting at: their passion. They want to go into computer science to address the issues of security and equity that are on the industry’s mind, and they acknowledge these concerns with their comments about “scarily-specific ads” and their statement that “the need to ensure digital equality has skyrocketed.” This student is self-aware and aware of the state of the industry. This aptitude will be appealing for admissions officers.

The conversation around “threads” is essential for this student’s response because the prompt asks specifically about the major at Georgia Tech and it is the only thing they reference that is specific to Georgia Tech. Threads are great, but this student would have benefitted from expanding on other opportunities specific to Georgia Tech later in the essay, instead of simply inserting “innumerable opportunities.”

Overall, this student shows personality, passion, and aptitude—precisely what admissions officers want to see!

Extracurricular Essay

You’re asked to describe your activities on the Common App, but chances are, you have at least one extracurricular that’s impacted you in a way you can’t explain in 150 characters.

This essay archetype allows you to share how your most important activity shaped you and how you might use those lessons learned in the future. You are definitely welcome to share anecdotes and use a narrative approach, but remember to include some reflection. A common mistake students make is to only describe the activity without sharing how it impacted them.

Learn more about how to write the Extracurricular Essay in our guide.

A Dedicated Musician

My fingers raced across the keys, rapidly striking one after another. My body swayed with the music as my hands raced across the piano. Crashing onto the final chord, it was over as quickly as it had begun. My shoulders relaxed and I couldn’t help but break into a satisfied grin. I had just played the Moonlight Sonata’s third movement, a longtime dream of mine. 

Four short months ago, though, I had considered it impossible. The piece’s tempo was impossibly fast, its notes stretching between each end of the piano, forcing me to reach farther than I had ever dared. It was 17 pages of the most fragile and intricate melodies I had ever encountered. 

But that summer, I found myself ready to take on the challenge. With the end of the school year, I was released from my commitment to practicing for band and solo performances. I was now free to determine my own musical path: either succeed in learning the piece, or let it defeat me for the third summer in a row. 

Over those few months, I spent countless hours practicing the same notes until they burned a permanent place in my memory, creating a soundtrack for even my dreams. Some would say I’ve mastered the piece, but as a musician I know better. Now that I can play it, I am eager to take the next step and add in layers of musicality and expression to make the once-impossible piece even more beautiful.

In this response, the student uses their extracurricular, piano, as a way to emphasize their positive qualities. At the beginning, readers are invited on a journey with the student where we feel their struggle, their intensity, and ultimately their satisfaction. With this descriptive image, we form a valuable connection with the student.

Then, we get to learn about what makes this student special: their dedication and work ethic. The fact that this student describes their desire to be productive during the summer shows an intensity that is appealing to admissions officers. Additionally, the growth mindset that this student emphasizes in their conclusion is appealing to admissions officers.

The Extracurricular Essay can be seen as an opportunity to characterize yourself. This student clearly identified their positive qualities, then used the Extracurricular Essay as a way to articulate them.

A Complicated Relationship with the School Newspaper

My school’s newspaper and I have a typical love-hate relationship; some days I want nothing more than to pass two hours writing and formatting articles, while on others the mere thought of student journalism makes me shiver. Still, as we’re entering our fourth year together, you could consider us relatively stable. We’ve learned to accept each other’s differences; at this point I’ve become comfortable spending an entire Friday night preparing for an upcoming issue, and I hardly even notice the snail-like speed of our computers. I’ve even benefitted from the polygamous nature of our relationship—with twelve other editors, there’s a lot of cooperation involved. Perverse as it may be, from that teamwork I’ve both gained some of my closest friends and improved my organizational and time-management skills. And though leaving it in the hands of new editors next year will be difficult, I know our time together has only better prepared me for future relationships.

This response is great. It’s cute and endearing and, importantly, tells readers a lot about the student who wrote it. Framing this essay in the context of a “love-hate relationship,” then supplementing with comments like “We’ve learned to accept each other’s differences” allows this student to advertise their maturity in a unique and engaging way. 

While Extracurricular Essays can be a place to show how you’ve grown within an activity, they can also be a place to show how you’ve grown through an activity. At the end of this essay, readers think that this student is mature and enjoyable, and we think that their experience with the school newspaper helped make them that way.

Participating in Democracy

Prompt: Research shows that an ability to learn from experiences outside the classroom correlates with success in college. What was your greatest learning experience over the past 4 years that took place outside of the traditional classroom? (250 words) 

The cool, white halls of the Rayburn House office building contrasted with the bustling energy of interns entertaining tourists, staffers rushing to cover committee meetings, and my fellow conference attendees separating to meet with our respective congresspeople. Through civics and US history classes, I had learned about our government, but simply hearing the legislative process outlined didn’t prepare me to navigate it. It was my first political conference, and, after learning about congressional mechanics during breakout sessions, I was lobbying my representative about an upcoming vote crucial to the US-Middle East relationship. As the daughter of Iranian immigrants, my whole life had led me to the moment when I could speak on behalf of the family members who had not emigrated with my parents.

As I sat down with my congresswoman’s chief of staff, I truly felt like a participant in democracy; I was exercising my right to be heard as a young American. Through this educational conference, I developed a plan of action to raise my voice. When I returned home, I signed up to volunteer with the state chapter of the Democratic Party. I sponsored letter-writing campaigns, canvassed for local elections, and even pursued an internship with a state senate campaign. I know that I don’t need to be old enough to vote to effect change. Most importantly, I also know that I want to study government—I want to make a difference for my communities in the United States and the Middle East throughout my career. 

While this prompt is about extracurricular activities, it specifically references the idea that the extracurricular should support the curricular. It is focused on experiential learning for future career success. This student wants to study government, so they chose to describe an experience of hands-on learning within their field—an apt choice!

As this student discusses their extracurricular experience, they also clue readers into their future goals—they want to help Middle Eastern communities. Admissions officers love when students mention concrete plans with a solid foundation. Here, the foundation comes from this student’s ethnicity. With lines like “my whole life had led me to the moment when I could speak on behalf of the family members who had not emigrated with my parents,” the student assures admissions officers of their emotional connection to their future field.

The strength of this essay comes from its connections. It connects the student’s extracurricular activity to their studies and connects theirs studies to their personal history.

Overcoming Challenges

You’re going to face a lot of setbacks in college, so admissions officers want to make you’re you have the resilience and resolve to overcome them. This essay is your chance to be vulnerable and connect to admissions officers on an emotional level.

Learn more about how to write the Overcoming Challenges Essay in our guide.

The Student Becomes the Master

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one. 

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay is great because it has a strong introduction and conclusion. The introduction is notably suspenseful and draws readers into the story. Because we know it is a college essay, we can assume that the student is one of the competitors, but at the same time, this introduction feels intentionally ambiguous as if the writer could be a competitor, a coach, a sibling of a competitor, or anyone else in the situation.

As we continue reading the essay, we learn that the writer is, in fact, the competitor. Readers also learn a lot about the student’s values as we hear their thoughts: “I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was.” Ultimately, the conflict and inner and outer turmoil is resolved through the “Same, but Different” ending technique as the student places themself in the same environment that we saw in the intro, but experiencing it differently due to their actions throughout the narrative. This is a very compelling strategy!

Growing Sensitivity to Struggles

Prompt: The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? (650 words)

“You ruined my life!” After months of quiet anger, my brother finally confronted me. To my shame, I had been appallingly ignorant of his pain.

Despite being twins, Max and I are profoundly different. Having intellectual interests from a young age that, well, interested very few of my peers, I often felt out of step in comparison with my highly-social brother. Everything appeared to come effortlessly for Max and, while we share an extremely tight bond, his frequent time away with friends left me feeling more and more alone as we grew older.

When my parents learned about The Green Academy, we hoped it would be an opportunity for me to find not only an academically challenging environment, but also – perhaps more importantly – a community. This meant transferring the family from Drumfield to Kingston. And while there was concern about Max, we all believed that given his sociable nature, moving would be far less impactful on him than staying put might be on me.

As it turned out, Green Academy was everything I’d hoped for. I was ecstatic to discover a group of students with whom I shared interests and could truly engage. Preoccupied with new friends and a rigorous course load, I failed to notice that the tables had turned. Max, lost in the fray and grappling with how to make connections in his enormous new high school, had become withdrawn and lonely. It took me until Christmas time – and a massive argument – to recognize how difficult the transition had been for my brother, let alone that he blamed me for it.

Through my own journey of searching for academic peers, in addition to coming out as gay when I was 12, I had developed deep empathy for those who had trouble fitting in. It was a pain I knew well and could easily relate to. Yet after Max’s outburst, my first response was to protest that our parents – not I – had chosen to move us here. In my heart, though, I knew that regardless of who had made the decision, we ended up in Kingston for my benefit. I was ashamed that, while I saw myself as genuinely compassionate, I had been oblivious to the heartache of the person closest to me. I could no longer ignore it – and I didn’t want to.

We stayed up half the night talking, and the conversation took an unexpected turn. Max opened up and shared that it wasn’t just about the move. He told me how challenging school had always been for him, due to his dyslexia, and that the ever-present comparison to me had only deepened his pain.

We had been in parallel battles the whole time and, yet, I only saw that Max was in distress once he experienced problems with which I directly identified. I’d long thought Max had it so easy – all because he had friends. The truth was, he didn’t need to experience my personal brand of sorrow in order for me to relate – he had felt plenty of his own.

My failure to recognize Max’s suffering brought home for me the profound universality and diversity of personal struggle; everyone has insecurities, everyone has woes, and everyone – most certainly – has pain. I am acutely grateful for the conversations he and I shared around all of this, because I believe our relationship has been fundamentally strengthened by a deeper understanding of one another. Further, this experience has reinforced the value of constantly striving for deeper sensitivity to the hidden struggles of those around me. I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story.

Here you can find a prime example that you don’t have to have fabulous imagery or flowery prose to write a successful essay. You just have to be clear and say something that matters. This essay is simple and beautiful. It almost feels like having a conversation with a friend and learning that they are an even better person than you already thought they were.

Through this narrative, readers learn a lot about the writer—where they’re from, what their family life is like, what their challenges were as a kid, and even their sexuality. We also learn a lot about their values—notably, the value they place on awareness, improvement, and consideration of others. Though they never explicitly state it (which is great because it is still crystal clear!), this student’s ending of “I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story” shows that they are constantly striving for improvement and finding lessons anywhere they can get them in life.

Community Service/Impact on the Community

Colleges want students who will positively impact the campus community and go on to make change in the world after they graduate. This essay is similar to the Extracurricular Essay, but you need to focus on a situation where you impacted others. 

Learn more about how to write the Community Service Essay in our guide.

Academic Signing Day

Prompt: What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

The scent of eucalyptus caressed my nose in a gentle breeze. Spring had arrived. Senior class activities were here. As a sophomore, I noticed a difference between athletic and academic seniors at my high school; one received recognition while the other received silence. I wanted to create an event celebrating students academically-committed to four-years, community colleges, trades schools, and military programs. This event was Academic Signing Day.

The leadership label, “Events Coordinator,” felt heavy on my introverted mind. I usually was setting up for rallies and spirit weeks, being overlooked around the exuberant nature of my peers. 

I knew a change of mind was needed; I designed flyers, painted posters, presented powerpoints, created student-led committees, and practiced countless hours for my introductory speech. Each committee would play a vital role on event day: one dedicated to refreshments, another to technology, and one for decorations. The fourth-month planning was a laborious joy, but I was still fearful of being in the spotlight. Being acknowledged by hundreds of people was new to me.     

The day was here. Parents filled the stands of the multi-purpose room. The atmosphere was tense; I could feel the angst building in my throat, worried about the impression I would leave. Applause followed each of the 400 students as they walked to their college table, indicating my time to speak. 

I walked up to the stand, hands clammy, expression tranquil, my words echoing to the audience. I thought my speech would be met by the sounds of crickets; instead, smiles lit up the stands, realizing my voice shone through my actions. I was finally coming out of my shell. The floor was met by confetti as I was met by the sincerity of staff, students, and parents, solidifying the event for years to come. 

Academic students were no longer overshadowed. Their accomplishments were equally recognized to their athletic counterparts. The school culture of athletics over academics was no longer imbalanced. Now, every time I smell eucalyptus, it is a friendly reminder that on Academic Signing Day, not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.

This essay answers the prompt nicely because the student describes a contribution with a lasting legacy. Academic Signing Day will affect this high school in the future and it affected this student’s self-development—an idea summed up nicely with their last phrase “not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.”

With Community Service essays, students sometimes take small contributions and stretch them. And, oftentimes, the stretch is very obvious. Here, the student shows us that Academic Signing Day actually mattered by mentioning four months of planning and hundreds of students and parents. They also make their involvement in Academic Signing Day clear—it was their idea and they were in charge, and that’s why they gave the introductory speech.

Use this response as an example of the type of focused contribution that makes for a convincing Community Service Essay.

Climate Change Rally

Prompt: What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time? (technically not community service, but the response works)

Let’s fast-forward time. Strides were made toward racial equality. Healthcare is accessible to all; however, one issue remains. Our aquatic ecosystems are parched with dead coral from ocean acidification. Climate change has prevailed.

Rewind to the present day.

My activism skills are how I express my concerns for the environment. Whether I play on sandy beaches or rest under forest treetops, nature offers me an escape from the haste of the world. When my body is met by trash in the ocean or my nose is met by harmful pollutants, Earth’s pain becomes my own. 

Substituting coffee grinds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale. I often found performative activism to be ineffective when communicating climate concerns. My days of reposting awareness graphics on social media never filled the ambition I had left to put my activism skills to greater use. I decided to share my ecocentric worldview with a coalition of environmentalists and host a climate change rally outside my high school.

Meetings were scheduled where I informed students about the unseen impact they have on the oceans and local habitual communities. My fingers were cramped from all the constant typing and investigating of micro causes of the Pacific Waste Patch, creating reusable flyers, displaying steps people could take from home in reducing their carbon footprint. I aided my fellow environmentalists in translating these flyers into other languages, repeating this process hourly, for five days, up until rally day.  

It was 7:00 AM. The faces of 100 students were shouting, “The climate is changing, why can’t we?” I proudly walked on the dewy grass, grabbing the microphone, repeating those same words. The rally not only taught me efficient methods of communication but it echoed my environmental activism to the masses. The City of Corona would be the first of many cities to see my activism, as more rallies were planned for various parts of SoCal. My once unfulfilled ambition was fueled by my tangible activism, understanding that it takes more than one person to make an environmental impact.

Like with the last example, this student describes a focused event with a lasting legacy. That’s a perfect place to start! By the end of this essay, we have an image of the cause of this student’s passion and the effect of this student’s passion. There are no unanswered questions.

This student supplements their focused topic with engaging and exciting writing to make for an easy-to-read and enjoyable essay. One of the largest strengths of this response is its pace. From the very beginning, we are invited to “fast-forward” and “rewind” with the writer. Then, after we center ourselves in real-time, this writer keeps their quick pace with sentences like “Substituting coffee grounds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale.” Community Service essays run the risk of turning boring, but this unique pacing keeps things interesting.

Having a diverse class provides a richness of different perspectives and encourages open-mindedness among the student body. The Diversity Essay is also somewhat similar to the Extracurricular and Community Service Essays, but it focuses more on what you might bring to the campus community because of your unique experiences or identities.

Learn more about how to write the Diversity Essay in our guide.

A Story of a Young Skater

​​“Everyone follow me!” I smiled at five wide-eyed skaters before pushing off into a spiral. I glanced behind me hopefully, only to see my students standing frozen like statues, the fear in their eyes as clear as the ice they swayed on. “Come on!” I said encouragingly, but the only response I elicited was the slow shake of their heads. My first day as a Learn-to-Skate coach was not going as planned. 

But amid my frustration, I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater. At seven, I had been fascinated by Olympic performers who executed thrilling high jumps and dizzying spins with apparent ease, and I dreamed to one day do the same. My first few months on skates, however, sent these hopes crashing down: my attempts at slaloms and toe-loops were shadowed by a stubborn fear of falling, which even the helmet, elbow pads, and two pairs of mittens I had armed myself with couldn’t mitigate. Nonetheless, my coach remained unfailingly optimistic, motivating me through my worst spills and teaching me to find opportunities in failures. With his encouragement, I learned to push aside my fears and attack each jump with calm and confidence; it’s the hope that I can help others do the same that now inspires me to coach.

I remember the day a frustrated staff member directed Oliver, a particularly hesitant young skater, toward me, hoping that my patience and steady encouragement might help him improve. Having stood in Oliver’s skates not much earlier myself, I completely empathized with his worries but also saw within him the potential to overcome his fears and succeed. 

To alleviate his anxiety, I held Oliver’s hand as we inched around the rink, cheering him on at every turn. I soon found though, that this only increased his fear of gliding on his own, so I changed my approach, making lessons as exciting as possible in hopes that he would catch the skating bug and take off. In the weeks that followed, we held relay races, played “freeze-skate” and “ice-potato”, and raced through obstacle courses; gradually, with each slip and subsequent success, his fear began to abate. I watched Oliver’s eyes widen in excitement with every skill he learned, and not long after, he earned his first skating badge. Together we celebrated this milestone, his ecstasy fueling my excitement and his pride mirroring my own. At that moment, I was both teacher and student, his progress instilling in me the importance of patience and a positive attitude. 

It’s been more than ten years since I bundled up and stepped onto the ice for the first time. Since then, my tolerance for the cold has remained stubbornly low, but the rest of me has certainly changed. In sharing my passion for skating, I have found a wonderful community of eager athletes, loving parents, and dedicated coaches from whom I have learned invaluable lessons and wisdom. My fellow staffers have been with me, both as friends and colleagues, and the relationships I’ve formed have given me far more poise, confidence, and appreciation for others. Likewise, my relationships with parents have given me an even greater gratitude for the role they play: no one goes to the rink without a parent behind the wheel! 

Since that first lesson, I have mentored dozens of children, and over the years, witnessed tentative steps transform into powerful glides and tears give way to delighted grins. What I have shared with my students has been among the greatest joys of my life, something I will cherish forever. It’s funny: when I began skating, what pushed me through the early morning practices was the prospect of winning an Olympic medal. Now, what excites me is the chance to work with my students, to help them grow, and to give back to the sport that has brought me so much happiness. 

This response is a great example of how Diversity doesn’t have to mean race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, age, or ability. Diversity can mean whatever you want it to mean—whatever unique experience(s) you have to bring to the table!

A major strength of this essay comes in its narrative organization. When reading this first paragraph, we feel for the young skaters and understand their fear—skating sounds scary! Then, because the writer sets us up to feel this empathy, the transition to the second paragraph where the student describes their empathy for the young skaters is particularly powerful. It’s like we are all in it together! The student’s empathy for the young skaters also serves as an outstanding, seamless transition to the applicant discussing their personal journey with skating: “I was struck by how much my students reminded me of myself as a young skater.”

This essay positions the applicant as a grounded and caring individual. They are caring towards the young skaters—changing their teaching style to try to help the young skaters and feeling the young skaters’ emotions with them—but they are also appreciative to those who helped them as they reference their fellow staffers and parents. This shows great maturity—a favorable quality in the eyes of an admissions officer.

At the end of the essay, we know a lot about this student and are convinced that they would be a good addition to a college campus!

Finding Community in the Rainforest

Prompt: Duke University seeks a talented, engaged student body that embodies the wide range of human experience; we believe that the diversity of our students makes our community stronger. If you’d like to share a perspective you bring or experiences you’ve had to help us understand you better—perhaps related to a community you belong to, your sexual orientation or gender identity, or your family or cultural background—we encourage you to do so. Real people are reading your application, and we want to do our best to understand and appreciate the real people applying to Duke (250 words).

I never understood the power of community until I left home to join seven strangers in the Ecuadorian rainforest. Although we flew in from distant corners of the U.S., we shared a common purpose: immersing ourselves in our passion for protecting the natural world.

Back home in my predominantly conservative suburb, my neighbors had brushed off environmental concerns. My classmates debated the feasibility of Trump’s wall, not the deteriorating state of our planet. Contrastingly, these seven strangers delighted in bird-watching, brightened at the mention of medicinal tree sap, and understood why I once ran across a four-lane highway to retrieve discarded beer cans. Their histories barely resembled mine, yet our values aligned intimately. We did not hesitate to joke about bullet ants, gush about the versatility of tree bark, or discuss the destructive consequences of materialism. Together, we let our inner tree huggers run free.

In the short life of our little community, we did what we thought was impossible. By feeding on each other’s infectious tenacity, we cultivated an atmosphere that deepened our commitment to our values and empowered us to speak out on behalf of the environment. After a week of stimulating conversations and introspective revelations about engaging people from our hometowns in environmental advocacy, we developed a shared determination to devote our lives to this cause.

As we shared a goodbye hug, my new friend whispered, “The world needs saving. Someone’s gotta do it.” For the first time, I believed that someone could be me.

This response is so wholesome and relatable. We all have things that we just need to geek out over and this student expresses the joy that came when they found a community where they could geek out about the environment. Passion is fundamental to university life and should find its way into successful applications.

Like the last response, this essay finds strength in the fact that readers feel for the student. We get a little bit of backstory about where they come from and how they felt silenced—“Back home in my predominantly conservative suburb, my neighbors had brushed off environmental concerns”—, so it’s easy to feel joy for them when they get set free.

This student displays clear values: community, ecoconsciousness, dedication, and compassion. An admissions officer who reads Diversity essays is looking for students with strong values and a desire to contribute to a university community—sounds like this student!  

Political/Global Issues

Colleges want to build engaged citizens, and the Political/Global Issues Essay allows them to better understand what you care about and whether your values align with theirs. In this essay, you’re most commonly asked to describe an issue, why you care about it, and what you’ve done or hope to do to address it. 

Learn more about how to write the Political/Global Issues Essay in our guide.

Note: this prompt is not a typical political/global issues essay, but the essay itself would be a strong response to a political/global issues prompt.

Fighting Violence Against Women

Prompt: Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay. (250-650 words)

“One of the great challenges of our time is that the disparities we face today have more complex causes and point less straightforwardly to solutions.” 

– Omar Wasow, assistant professor of politics, Princeton University. This quote is taken from Professor Wasow’s January 2014 speech at the Martin Luther King Day celebration at Princeton University. 

The air is crisp and cool, nipping at my ears as I walk under a curtain of darkness that drapes over the sky, starless. It is a Friday night in downtown Corpus Christi, a rare moment of peace in my home city filled with the laughter of strangers and colorful lights of street vendors. But I cannot focus. 

My feet stride quickly down the sidewalk, my hand grasps on to the pepper spray my parents gifted me for my sixteenth birthday. My eyes ignore the surrounding city life, focusing instead on a pair of tall figures walking in my direction. I mentally ask myself if they turned with me on the last street corner. I do not remember, so I pick up the pace again. All the while, my mind runs over stories of young women being assaulted, kidnapped, and raped on the street. I remember my mother’s voice reminding me to keep my chin up, back straight, eyes and ears alert. 

At a young age, I learned that harassment is a part of daily life for women. I fell victim to period-shaming when I was thirteen, received my first catcall when I was fourteen, and was nonconsensually grabbed by a man soliciting on the street when I was fifteen. For women, assault does not just happen to us— its gory details leave an imprint in our lives, infecting the way we perceive the world. And while movements such as the Women’s March and #MeToo have given victims of sexual violence a voice, harassment still manifests itself in the lives of millions of women across the nation. Symbolic gestures are important in spreading awareness but, upon learning that a surprising number of men are oblivious to the frequent harassment that women experience, I now realize that addressing this complex issue requires a deeper level of activism within our local communities. 

Frustrated with incessant cases of harassment against women, I understood at sixteen years old that change necessitates action. During my junior year, I became an intern with a judge whose campaign for office focused on a need for domestic violence reform. This experience enabled me to engage in constructive dialogue with middle and high school students on how to prevent domestic violence. As I listened to young men uneasily admit their ignorance and young women bravely share their experiences in an effort to spread awareness, I learned that breaking down systems of inequity requires changing an entire culture. I once believed that the problem of harassment would dissipate after politicians and celebrities denounce inappropriate behavior to their global audience. But today, I see that effecting large-scale change comes from the “small” lessons we teach at home and in schools. Concerning women’s empowerment, the effects of Hollywood activism do not trickle down enough. Activism must also trickle up and it depends on our willingness to fight complacency. 

Finding the solution to the long-lasting problem of violence against women is a work-in-progress, but it is a process that is persistently moving. In my life, for every uncomfortable conversation that I bridge, I make the world a bit more sensitive to the unspoken struggle that it is to be a woman. I am no longer passively waiting for others to let me live in a world where I can stand alone under the expanse of darkness on a city street, utterly alone and at peace. I, too, deserve the night sky.

As this student addresses an important social issue, she makes the reasons for her passion clear—personal experiences. Because she begins with an extended anecdote, readers are able to feel connected to the student and become invested in what she has to say.

Additionally, through her powerful ending—“I, too, deserve the night sky”—which connects back to her beginning— “as I walk under a curtain of darkness that drapes over the sky”—this student illustrates a mastery of language. Her engagement with other writing techniques that further her argument, like the emphasis on time—“gifted to me for my sixteenth birthday,” “when I was thirteen,” “when I was fourteen,” etc.—also illustrates her mastery of language.

While this student proves herself a good writer, she also positions herself as motivated and ambitious. She turns her passions into action and fights for them. That is just what admissions officers want to see in a Political/Global issues essay!

Where to Get Feedback on Your College Essays

Once you’ve written your college essays, you’ll want to get feedback on them. Since these essays are important to your chances of acceptance, you should prepare to go through several rounds of edits. 

Not sure who to ask for feedback? That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review resource. You can get comments from another student going through the process and also edit other students’ essays to improve your own writing. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools.  Find the right advisor for you  to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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Getting College Essay Help: Important Do's and Don’ts

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College Essays

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If you grow up to be a professional writer, everything you write will first go through an editor before being published. This is because the process of writing is really a process of re-writing —of rethinking and reexamining your work, usually with the help of someone else. So what does this mean for your student writing? And in particular, what does it mean for very important, but nonprofessional writing like your college essay? Should you ask your parents to look at your essay? Pay for an essay service?

If you are wondering what kind of help you can, and should, get with your personal statement, you've come to the right place! In this article, I'll talk about what kind of writing help is useful, ethical, and even expected for your college admission essay . I'll also point out who would make a good editor, what the differences between editing and proofreading are, what to expect from a good editor, and how to spot and stay away from a bad one.

Worried about college applications?   Our world-class admissions counselors can help. We've guided thousands of students to get into their top choice schools with our data-driven, proprietary admissions strategies.

Table of Contents

What Kind of Help for Your Essay Can You Get?

What's Good Editing?

What should an editor do for you, what kind of editing should you avoid, proofreading, what's good proofreading, what kind of proofreading should you avoid.

What Do Colleges Think Of You Getting Help With Your Essay?

Who Can/Should Help You?

Advice for editors.

Should You Pay Money For Essay Editing?

The Bottom Line

What's next, what kind of help with your essay can you get.

Rather than talking in general terms about "help," let's first clarify the two different ways that someone else can improve your writing . There is editing, which is the more intensive kind of assistance that you can use throughout the whole process. And then there's proofreading, which is the last step of really polishing your final product.

Let me go into some more detail about editing and proofreading, and then explain how good editors and proofreaders can help you."

Editing is helping the author (in this case, you) go from a rough draft to a finished work . Editing is the process of asking questions about what you're saying, how you're saying it, and how you're organizing your ideas. But not all editing is good editing . In fact, it's very easy for an editor to cross the line from supportive to overbearing and over-involved.

Ability to clarify assignments. A good editor is usually a good writer, and certainly has to be a good reader. For example, in this case, a good editor should make sure you understand the actual essay prompt you're supposed to be answering.

Open-endedness. Good editing is all about asking questions about your ideas and work, but without providing answers. It's about letting you stick to your story and message, and doesn't alter your point of view.

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Think of an editor as a great travel guide. It can show you the many different places your trip could take you. It should explain any parts of the trip that could derail your trip or confuse the traveler. But it never dictates your path, never forces you to go somewhere you don't want to go, and never ignores your interests so that the trip no longer seems like it's your own. So what should good editors do?

Help Brainstorm Topics

Sometimes it's easier to bounce thoughts off of someone else. This doesn't mean that your editor gets to come up with ideas, but they can certainly respond to the various topic options you've come up with. This way, you're less likely to write about the most boring of your ideas, or to write about something that isn't actually important to you.

If you're wondering how to come up with options for your editor to consider, check out our guide to brainstorming topics for your college essay .

Help Revise Your Drafts

Here, your editor can't upset the delicate balance of not intervening too much or too little. It's tricky, but a great way to think about it is to remember: editing is about asking questions, not giving answers .

Revision questions should point out:

  • Places where more detail or more description would help the reader connect with your essay
  • Places where structure and logic don't flow, losing the reader's attention
  • Places where there aren't transitions between paragraphs, confusing the reader
  • Moments where your narrative or the arguments you're making are unclear

But pointing to potential problems is not the same as actually rewriting—editors let authors fix the problems themselves.

Want to write the perfect college application essay?   We can help.   Your dedicated PrepScholar Admissions counselor will help you craft your perfect college essay, from the ground up. We learn your background and interests, brainstorm essay topics, and walk you through the essay drafting process, step-by-step. At the end, you'll have a unique essay to proudly submit to colleges.   Don't leave your college application to chance. Find out more about PrepScholar Admissions now:

Bad editing is usually very heavy-handed editing. Instead of helping you find your best voice and ideas, a bad editor changes your writing into their own vision.

You may be dealing with a bad editor if they:

  • Add material (examples, descriptions) that doesn't come from you
  • Use a thesaurus to make your college essay sound "more mature"
  • Add meaning or insight to the essay that doesn't come from you
  • Tell you what to say and how to say it
  • Write sentences, phrases, and paragraphs for you
  • Change your voice in the essay so it no longer sounds like it was written by a teenager

Colleges can tell the difference between a 17-year-old's writing and a 50-year-old's writing. Not only that, they have access to your SAT or ACT Writing section, so they can compare your essay to something else you wrote. Writing that's a little more polished is great and expected. But a totally different voice and style will raise questions.

Where's the Line Between Helpful Editing and Unethical Over-Editing?

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether your college essay editor is doing the right thing. Here are some guidelines for staying on the ethical side of the line.

  • An editor should say that the opening paragraph is kind of boring, and explain what exactly is making it drag. But it's overstepping for an editor to tell you exactly how to change it.
  • An editor should point out where your prose is unclear or vague. But it's completely inappropriate for the editor to rewrite that section of your essay.
  • An editor should let you know that a section is light on detail or description. But giving you similes and metaphors to beef up that description is a no-go.

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Proofreading (also called copy-editing) is checking for errors in the last draft of a written work. It happens at the end of the process and is meant as the final polishing touch. Proofreading is meticulous and detail-oriented, focusing on small corrections. It sands off all the surface rough spots that could alienate the reader.

Because proofreading is usually concerned with making fixes on the word or sentence level, this is the only process where someone else can actually add to or take away things from your essay . This is because what they are adding or taking away tends to be one or two misplaced letters.

Laser focus. Proofreading is all about the tiny details, so the ability to really concentrate on finding small slip-ups is a must.

Excellent grammar and spelling skills. Proofreaders need to dot every "i" and cross every "t." Good proofreaders should correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. They should put foreign words in italics and surround quotations with quotation marks. They should check that you used the correct college's name, and that you adhered to any formatting requirements (name and date at the top of the page, uniform font and size, uniform spacing).

Limited interference. A proofreader needs to make sure that you followed any word limits. But if cuts need to be made to shorten the essay, that's your job and not the proofreader's.

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A bad proofreader either tries to turn into an editor, or just lacks the skills and knowledge necessary to do the job.

Some signs that you're working with a bad proofreader are:

  • If they suggest making major changes to the final draft of your essay. Proofreading happens when editing is already finished.
  • If they aren't particularly good at spelling, or don't know grammar, or aren't detail-oriented enough to find someone else's small mistakes.
  • If they start swapping out your words for fancier-sounding synonyms, or changing the voice and sound of your essay in other ways. A proofreader is there to check for errors, not to take the 17-year-old out of your writing.

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What Do Colleges Think of Your Getting Help With Your Essay?

Admissions officers agree: light editing and proofreading are good—even required ! But they also want to make sure you're the one doing the work on your essay. They want essays with stories, voice, and themes that come from you. They want to see work that reflects your actual writing ability, and that focuses on what you find important.

On the Importance of Editing

Get feedback. Have a fresh pair of eyes give you some feedback. Don't allow someone else to rewrite your essay, but do take advantage of others' edits and opinions when they seem helpful. ( Bates College )

Read your essay aloud to someone. Reading the essay out loud offers a chance to hear how your essay sounds outside your head. This exercise reveals flaws in the essay's flow, highlights grammatical errors and helps you ensure that you are communicating the exact message you intended. ( Dickinson College )

On the Value of Proofreading

Share your essays with at least one or two people who know you well—such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or friend—and ask for feedback. Remember that you ultimately have control over your essays, and your essays should retain your own voice, but others may be able to catch mistakes that you missed and help suggest areas to cut if you are over the word limit. ( Yale University )

Proofread and then ask someone else to proofread for you. Although we want substance, we also want to be able to see that you can write a paper for our professors and avoid careless mistakes that would drive them crazy. ( Oberlin College )

On Watching Out for Too Much Outside Influence

Limit the number of people who review your essay. Too much input usually means your voice is lost in the writing style. ( Carleton College )

Ask for input (but not too much). Your parents, friends, guidance counselors, coaches, and teachers are great people to bounce ideas off of for your essay. They know how unique and spectacular you are, and they can help you decide how to articulate it. Keep in mind, however, that a 45-year-old lawyer writes quite differently from an 18-year-old student, so if your dad ends up writing the bulk of your essay, we're probably going to notice. ( Vanderbilt University )

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Now let's talk about some potential people to approach for your college essay editing and proofreading needs. It's best to start close to home and slowly expand outward. Not only are your family and friends more invested in your success than strangers, but they also have a better handle on your interests and personality. This knowledge is key for judging whether your essay is expressing your true self.

Parents or Close Relatives

Your family may be full of potentially excellent editors! Parents are deeply committed to your well-being, and family members know you and your life well enough to offer details or incidents that can be included in your essay. On the other hand, the rewriting process necessarily involves criticism, which is sometimes hard to hear from someone very close to you.

A parent or close family member is a great choice for an editor if you can answer "yes" to the following questions. Is your parent or close relative a good writer or reader? Do you have a relationship where editing your essay won't create conflict? Are you able to constructively listen to criticism and suggestion from the parent?

One suggestion for defusing face-to-face discussions is to try working on the essay over email. Send your parent a draft, have them write you back some comments, and then you can pick which of their suggestions you want to use and which to discard.

Teachers or Tutors

A humanities teacher that you have a good relationship with is a great choice. I am purposefully saying humanities, and not just English, because teachers of Philosophy, History, Anthropology, and any other classes where you do a lot of writing, are all used to reviewing student work.

Moreover, any teacher or tutor that has been working with you for some time, knows you very well and can vet the essay to make sure it "sounds like you."

If your teacher or tutor has some experience with what college essays are supposed to be like, ask them to be your editor. If not, then ask whether they have time to proofread your final draft.

Guidance or College Counselor at Your School

The best thing about asking your counselor to edit your work is that this is their job. This means that they have a very good sense of what colleges are looking for in an application essay.

At the same time, school counselors tend to have relationships with admissions officers in many colleges, which again gives them insight into what works and which college is focused on what aspect of the application.

Unfortunately, in many schools the guidance counselor tends to be way overextended. If your ratio is 300 students to 1 college counselor, you're unlikely to get that person's undivided attention and focus. It is still useful to ask them for general advice about your potential topics, but don't expect them to be able to stay with your essay from first draft to final version.

Friends, Siblings, or Classmates

Although they most likely don't have much experience with what colleges are hoping to see, your peers are excellent sources for checking that your essay is you .

Friends and siblings are perfect for the read-aloud edit. Read your essay to them so they can listen for words and phrases that are stilted, pompous, or phrases that just don't sound like you.

You can even trade essays and give helpful advice on each other's work.

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If your editor hasn't worked with college admissions essays very much, no worries! Any astute and attentive reader can still greatly help with your process. But, as in all things, beginners do better with some preparation.

First, your editor should read our advice about how to write a college essay introduction , how to spot and fix a bad college essay , and get a sense of what other students have written by going through some admissions essays that worked .

Then, as they read your essay, they can work through the following series of questions that will help them to guide you.

Introduction Questions

  • Is the first sentence a killer opening line? Why or why not?
  • Does the introduction hook the reader? Does it have a colorful, detailed, and interesting narrative? Or does it propose a compelling or surprising idea?
  • Can you feel the author's voice in the introduction, or is the tone dry, dull, or overly formal? Show the places where the voice comes through.

Essay Body Questions

  • Does the essay have a through-line? Is it built around a central argument, thought, idea, or focus? Can you put this idea into your own words?
  • How is the essay organized? By logical progression? Chronologically? Do you feel order when you read it, or are there moments where you are confused or lose the thread of the essay?
  • Does the essay have both narratives about the author's life and explanations and insight into what these stories reveal about the author's character, personality, goals, or dreams? If not, which is missing?
  • Does the essay flow? Are there smooth transitions/clever links between paragraphs? Between the narrative and moments of insight?

Reader Response Questions

  • Does the writer's personality come through? Do we know what the speaker cares about? Do we get a sense of "who he or she is"?
  • Where did you feel most connected to the essay? Which parts of the essay gave you a "you are there" sensation by invoking your senses? What moments could you picture in your head well?
  • Where are the details and examples vague and not specific enough?
  • Did you get an "a-ha!" feeling anywhere in the essay? Is there a moment of insight that connected all the dots for you? Is there a good reveal or "twist" anywhere in the essay?
  • What are the strengths of this essay? What needs the most improvement?

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Should You Pay Money for Essay Editing?

One alternative to asking someone you know to help you with your college essay is the paid editor route. There are two different ways to pay for essay help: a private essay coach or a less personal editing service , like the many proliferating on the internet.

My advice is to think of these options as a last resort rather than your go-to first choice. I'll first go through the reasons why. Then, if you do decide to go with a paid editor, I'll help you decide between a coach and a service.

When to Consider a Paid Editor

In general, I think hiring someone to work on your essay makes a lot of sense if none of the people I discussed above are a possibility for you.

If you can't ask your parents. For example, if your parents aren't good writers, or if English isn't their first language. Or if you think getting your parents to help is going create unnecessary extra conflict in your relationship with them (applying to college is stressful as it is!)

If you can't ask your teacher or tutor. Maybe you don't have a trusted teacher or tutor that has time to look over your essay with focus. Or, for instance, your favorite humanities teacher has very limited experience with college essays and so won't know what admissions officers want to see.

If you can't ask your guidance counselor. This could be because your guidance counselor is way overwhelmed with other students.

If you can't share your essay with those who know you. It might be that your essay is on a very personal topic that you're unwilling to share with parents, teachers, or peers. Just make sure it doesn't fall into one of the bad-idea topics in our article on bad college essays .

If the cost isn't a consideration. Many of these services are quite expensive, and private coaches even more so. If you have finite resources, I'd say that hiring an SAT or ACT tutor (whether it's PrepScholar or someone else) is better way to spend your money . This is because there's no guarantee that a slightly better essay will sufficiently elevate the rest of your application, but a significantly higher SAT score will definitely raise your applicant profile much more.

Should You Hire an Essay Coach?

On the plus side, essay coaches have read dozens or even hundreds of college essays, so they have experience with the format. Also, because you'll be working closely with a specific person, it's more personal than sending your essay to a service, which will know even less about you.

But, on the minus side, you'll still be bouncing ideas off of someone who doesn't know that much about you . In general, if you can adequately get the help from someone you know, there is no advantage to paying someone to help you.

If you do decide to hire a coach, ask your school counselor, or older students that have used the service for recommendations. If you can't afford the coach's fees, ask whether they can work on a sliding scale —many do. And finally, beware those who guarantee admission to your school of choice—essay coaches don't have any special magic that can back up those promises.

Should You Send Your Essay to a Service?

On the plus side, essay editing services provide a similar product to essay coaches, and they cost significantly less . If you have some assurance that you'll be working with a good editor, the lack of face-to-face interaction won't prevent great results.

On the minus side, however, it can be difficult to gauge the quality of the service before working with them . If they are churning through many application essays without getting to know the students they are helping, you could end up with an over-edited essay that sounds just like everyone else's. In the worst case scenario, an unscrupulous service could send you back a plagiarized essay.

Getting recommendations from friends or a school counselor for reputable services is key to avoiding heavy-handed editing that writes essays for you or does too much to change your essay. Including a badly-edited essay like this in your application could cause problems if there are inconsistencies. For example, in interviews it might be clear you didn't write the essay, or the skill of the essay might not be reflected in your schoolwork and test scores.

Should You Buy an Essay Written by Someone Else?

Let me elaborate. There are super sketchy places on the internet where you can simply buy a pre-written essay. Don't do this!

For one thing, you'll be lying on an official, signed document. All college applications make you sign a statement saying something like this:

I certify that all information submitted in the admission process—including the application, the personal essay, any supplements, and any other supporting materials—is my own work, factually true, and honestly presented... I understand that I may be subject to a range of possible disciplinary actions, including admission revocation, expulsion, or revocation of course credit, grades, and degree, should the information I have certified be false. (From the Common Application )

For another thing, if your academic record doesn't match the essay's quality, the admissions officer will start thinking your whole application is riddled with lies.

Admission officers have full access to your writing portion of the SAT or ACT so that they can compare work that was done in proctored conditions with that done at home. They can tell if these were written by different people. Not only that, but there are now a number of search engines that faculty and admission officers can use to see if an essay contains strings of words that have appeared in other essays—you have no guarantee that the essay you bought wasn't also bought by 50 other students.

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  • You should get college essay help with both editing and proofreading
  • A good editor will ask questions about your idea, logic, and structure, and will point out places where clarity is needed
  • A good editor will absolutely not answer these questions, give you their own ideas, or write the essay or parts of the essay for you
  • A good proofreader will find typos and check your formatting
  • All of them agree that getting light editing and proofreading is necessary
  • Parents, teachers, guidance or college counselor, and peers or siblings
  • If you can't ask any of those, you can pay for college essay help, but watch out for services or coaches who over-edit you work
  • Don't buy a pre-written essay! Colleges can tell, and it'll make your whole application sound false.

Ready to start working on your essay? Check out our explanation of the point of the personal essay and the role it plays on your applications and then explore our step-by-step guide to writing a great college essay .

Using the Common Application for your college applications? We have an excellent guide to the Common App essay prompts and useful advice on how to pick the Common App prompt that's right for you . Wondering how other people tackled these prompts? Then work through our roundup of over 130 real college essay examples published by colleges .

Stressed about whether to take the SAT again before submitting your application? Let us help you decide how many times to take this test . If you choose to go for it, we have the ultimate guide to studying for the SAT to give you the ins and outs of the best ways to study.

Want to improve your SAT score by 160 points or your ACT score by 4 points?   We've written a guide for each test about the top 5 strategies you must be using to have a shot at improving your score. Download them for free now:

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Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Read the college essay a Harvard grad wrote about McDonald's that landed him offers from Harvard, Yale, and Princeton

  • Cofounder of AI company Exa Jeffrey Wang wrote his college application essay about McDonald's.
  • The Harvard graduate said he wanted to make his essay authentic and entertaining.
  • Wang said he got into Yale, Harvard, and Princeton using the same essay.

Insider Today

When Jeffrey Wang was a high-school senior in Connecticut in 2014, he wasn't sure what to write about for his college application essay.

He thought about writing his essay on a subject he enjoyed at school or a project he'd worked on. But he knew others would have the same idea .

Wang told Business Insider he grew up in a middle-class family in the suburbs of Cheshire, CT. He felt he didn't have anything extraordinary to write about.

"I hadn't spent any summers abroad, and I hadn't done any fancy programs," he said.

He wanted to show his personality

He read Harry Bauld's book, 'On Writing the College Application Essay,' which made him realize college admissions officers wouldn't have time to read each essay diligently.

He said he realized his primary objective should be to entertain the admissions officer reading his essay .

"For the most part, they're just looking for character," Wang said. He decided to write about studying at McDonald's.

He told BI he thought it might pique an admissions officer's interest and illustrate his character: someone who did well at school but also hangs out at a McDonald's.

Wang said he also wanted to use his essay to challenge assumptions admissions officers might have. "I'm an Asian-American with a perfect SAT score. Maybe that looks pretty cookie-cutter on paper," he said.

Authenticity is key

The essay summarizes how Wang discovered his local McDonald's was an ideal place to study and meditate. He mentioned he liked interacting with different community members and how it was a more efficient and affordable study space than other options. The underpinning message is finding joy or peace in unusual places.

Related stories

"For the most part, it was a pretty authentic essay," Wang said, adding that he included a few "intellectual references," such as a novel and a physicist, to show the admissions officer he was smart. He said if he were to write it now, he'd leave out the big words and references.

His parents were worried the topic was too risky, but Wang said he felt confident, and if an admissions officer didn't like it — the school wasn't the right fit.

He got into Yale, Harvard, and Princeton

Growing up, Wang dreamed of attending Yale in his home state of Connecticut. He applied to Yale under early decision , using his essay about McDonald's.

Wang received an offer of financial aid from Yale, but he told BI he wanted to see if he could get more from other colleges.

He applied to Harvard, Duke, Princeton, MIT, and others with the same essay. He got into both Princeton and Harvard, and received offers of financial aid from them both. Business Insider has verified these offers with documentation.

Wang chose to study computer science at Harvard in 2015 because he said it was the best for STEM subjects, and he wanted to be further away from home.

He still tries to live authentically

Wang said if his friends read his essay now, 10 years after he submitted it, they'd recognize his personality in it. It shows his "scrappy" attitude to life, he said.

After graduating from Harvard in 2019, he started working as a software engineer for a tech company in San Francisco. He quit in 2022, and cofounded his startup Exa, a search engine for AI, in 2023.

Wang believes that prioritizing authenticity helped his success since college. "If you do things that you feel are authentic or that are right, you'll be rewarded for it," he said.

Do you have a college admissions success story? Email Ella Hopkins at [email protected] .

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University of Northern Iowa Home

How to make friends in college: 8 tips from real students

Students hugging each other on UNI campus

Is one of your biggest concerns how to make friends in college? You aren’t alone. Every college student wants to find their people who they can comfortably confide in and enjoy spending time with. Keep reading to learn from some real University of Northern Iowa students about their experiences making friends in college.

How to make friends in college

Have a positive outlook on making friends.

If you go into your college experience believing you can’t make friends in college, you may find it more challenging to foster new connections. But if you believe that you will make friends and you put in the proper effort, you’ll be more likely to leave your time in college with fulfilling relationships.

“When I was a freshman, I was very nervous to make friends here at UNI,” said William Palma, a third-year student majoring in computer science. “I had the belief, however, that I would find meaningful people, and I was able to meet great people with this positive mindset.”

Even if you didn’t have a lot of friends in high school, have the belief that college will be different. “This is a fresh start for you, and you have the ability to control your college experience,” said Meggan Barrow, a third-year student majoring in comprehensive secondary science education.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly scrolling on your phone. This is especially true while you’re in a classroom waiting for a lecture to begin. Challenge yourself to be in the moment and off your phone. For Carissa Demings, a senior accounting and business analytics student, this is one way she has figured out how to make friends in college. Even while she is walking to class, she tries to avoid being on her phone. “People are more likely to approach you or talk to you before class if you aren’t occupied with your phone,” she said.

Remember you aren’t alone

‌ Whether a person is introverted or extroverted, the thought of making new friends in college will be a little nerve-wracking. “I remember feeling very nervous about how I might be perceived if I was the first to start a conversation with someone new,” said Samantha Robinson, a senior majoring in communication sciences and disorders. “What helped me to overcome that feeling was knowing that EVERYONE is feeling nervous about the same thing. I quickly learned that most people starting college are looking around, hoping for someone else to start the conversation. By knowing that everyone is nervous about the same thing, it made me feel a lot better about putting myself out there and making new friends.”

Students playing video games together in residence hall

Leave your comfort zone

Perhaps the most important advice you can take when it comes to thinking about how to make friends in college is to be willing to take risks. That may mean getting involved with a group where you don’t know anyone or showing up to a sporting event even though you don’t know all the rules. Put yourself out there! “Leaving your dorm room or apartment to get involved is the first, easiest step to making friends, even when you may not feel like it,” said Robinson. 

“Be open to meeting new people and don’t hesitate to introduce yourself with someone new,” said Lizbeth Garcia Tellez, a senior majoring in strategic public relations. “Embrace the chance to connect with others!”

Put in the work

Friendship is a two-way street. It takes time and effort on the part of both parties to create a lasting relationship. Organize get-togethers with new connections such as movie nights or coffee meet-ups. Even if you aren’t in the same classes, asking someone to study with you is also a great way to further a connection. “Collaborating on study sessions gives us a chance to spend more time together and support each other academically, which deepens our connection,” said Garcia Tellez.

“With being so involved, it’s hard to block off time to make friends or even hang out,” said Barrow. “I have overcome this by allowing myself more breaks in my schedule and not going to everything possible.”

Be the friend you want

It can be hard to make the first move in a friendship by introducing yourself to someone new. But you can’t always be expecting other people to introduce themselves to you first. In general, you will make more friends if you treat others the way you would like them to treat you. “Even if you’ve found your group, be open to it growing,” said Madison Duong, senior majoring in marketing: advertising and digital media. “Invite others to join you when your friends hangout. The small action of including someone in your plans makes all the difference.”

Let your friends increase your connections

Often, when you make a friend, you will have the opportunity to meet their friends, too. This will multiply your connections in college. Don’t be afraid of mixing your friend groups or asking your friends to introduce you to more people. When everyone is helping each other foster community, knowing how to make friends in college gets a lot easier!

Be yourself

Students playing cornhole on UNI campus

Whether you’re conversing with your dorm neighbor or meeting your intramural teammates, make sure you are always your authentic self. “I tried to be someone I wasn’t my freshman year,” said Caleb Brothers, a senior majoring in interactive digital studies and graphic technology. “I had to realize that if people didn’t want to know me for who I really was, what was the point? Don’t be afraid to be who you truly are. The friends will come, so there’s no need to hide behind a mask or a facade.”

Where to make friends

There is no shortage of places where you can make friends at college. According to students, some of the best places include:

  • Orientation  - Orientation is really your first chance to start making friends at college. Because it can be overwhelming, it might be a good idea to focus on just one or two people you could become friends with.
  • Welcome Week activities   - The first week at UNI is filled with all kinds of events for students. Take advantage of these opportunities.
  • On-campus jobs   - Whether you work in an office on campus or the dining centers, jobs are a great way to spend an extended period of time with other students.
  • Classes  - Try to converse with your classmates before and after class. It’s usually pretty easy to ask them if they’d like to study for an upcoming test together.
  • Campus events - Keep an eye out for events happening on campus throughout the school that you can go to and meet more people. Read your weekly Panther Experience emails, check out the  UNI Calendar and look for flyers and sidewalk chalk signs across campus. You can also follow various departments and student organizations on social media.
  • Student organizations - Get involved with student groups right away. These are a great place to find people with common interests.
  • Residence halls - Leave your door open whenever possible and look for other open doors on your floor. Don’t be afraid to stop by and say “hello.”
  • Dining centers - Ask others in the dining center if you can sit with them, or if you see someone eating alone invite them to sit with you.

Make lifelong friends at UNI

Hopefully, these tips will help you flip your mindset from “I can’t make friends in college” to “I CAN make friends in college.” Remember that making friends gets easier with practice, so if you don’t feel like you’ve made friends in the first few days on campus, just keep trying! It will get better.

UNI welcomes new students at Panther Welcome kickoff

college essay about business

President Nook delivers the 2024 University Address

college essay about business

Bob Justis announces retirement as UNI football, men’s basketball public address announcer

college essay about business

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